Healing the pain
by KendraPendragon
Summary: Anna can't stand Mr Bates suffering. She found a creme which is supposed to help him, so one night she invites herself to his room and is forcing him to pull up his pants...fluff and emotional intimacy, happiness.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Unfortunately, I do not own Downton abbey or it's characters (bummer). I just love Mr Bates and Anna and the romance that is gently growing with it's ups and downs. This is my idea of how they could get closer to each other. The idea I own, the characters I don't. I hope you like it and forgive any mistakes, for english is not my native language. For all the Anna&Bates fans out there, enjoy reading!

It was past ten in the evening and the staff went to their rooms. Mr Bates usualy needed a few seconds longer than the others, but the in the last few weeks he needed even longer. With autumn passing and winter coming up, his leg got worse. Even the slightest bending could send stinging pain through is leg and the whole body. Oh, how much he hated that. Hated that his leg troubled him so much and that he was always going to be slower than everybody else. His knuckles twitched in anger and he took a deep breath. He knew he musn't let it get to him. It was a fact and he couldn't change it. It was his punishment and a constant reminder of all the mistakes he had made. And he deserved much more than that. In a way, he was thankful for the pain. At least sometimes, when those lovely brown eyes looked at him, declared love shining through them. With the throbbing in his leg he kept in mind that he didn't deserve what she was so willing to offer.

He closed the door behind him und hobbled to the window, lifting the weight from the bad leg, leaning against the window frame. Although it was dark outside he could still see the rain clashing at the glass of the window. It was a bittersweet rhythm, a sad melody, matching his mood.

She has been in her usual high spirits this evening, telling stories and laughing at the stories Mr Branson had to share. From time to time she had turned her head, looking at him. Maybe because she wanted to check if he was finding it funny, too. But she was smarter than that. Somehow she always knew when something was bothering him. He didn't know why, but she surely did. God bless her. He had never met a sweeter, finer woman. He had told her that, once. He closed his eyes, pictures crossing his mind. Her honest look, her sweet, tremdling voice as she confessed her feelings. He sighed again because his heart jumped when he remenbered the words. She was so brave, his Anna. Not looking down but looking him straight into the eyes, waiting for his response. His hand became a fist. He wanted to respond, telling her all she needed to hear. Everything that mad her beautiful eyes stop watering. But he wasn't allowed. He wasn't free. And his leg reminded him of that, too.

A soft knock on the door put a sudden end to his thoughts. He walked to the door, his leg causing him some more pain. As he opened, his heart stopped for a beat. There stood the woman who occupied his thoughts so often.

„Anna!" he exclaimed in surprise. „What are you doing here?"

She didn't answer but stepped past him into his room without waiting for permission. Mr Bates looked to the left and right, making sure that no one saw her and closed the door quickly. He turned around and his leg complained again, making him leaning heavily on his cane.

„I just can't stand looking at you suffering anymore."

For the first time he noticed that she wore her maid's uniform withouth the hat and the apron. It was just the black dress. He never thought black was a good color for her. It made her look sad. White suited her so much better, her features as well as her angelic soul.

„I beg your pardon?" he answered confused.

She was busy at his desk, putting things on it before turning around. Anna wore that beautiful smile he adored so much, crossed the room easily and leaded him to the chair next to the desk while explaining.

„I know that your leg is giving you much greater pain lately, so don't even try to pretend it doesn't. I wrote my mother about it weeks ago and today came her reply."

While speaking, she carefully pressed him down on the chair, taking his cane out of his hand and putting it on the bed.

„She is helping out in the nearby hospital from time to time and luckily she knew about a creme that could ease the pain. Not always, but often enough to give it a try. So she talked to the doctor and he sold her a little pot."

She stood in front of him now, her hands resting on her waist, her smile wait and her eyes sparkling.

„The creme arrived today and we can finally start the treatment."

For a second, Mr Bates could only look at her, dumbstruck. She looked so happy, hopeful and proud. She was beautiful. The words needed some seconds to pour in.

„Wait a minute...are you telling me that your mother has bought this creme for me?"

„Indeed she has."

„You shouldn't have let her. I have to pay her back."

He was embarrased. Now not only this house knew about his pain but also her mother. And she even spend money for him. Lord, how much can one person bear.

„Oh, shush. I already send her the money", she waived her hand and kneeled on the floor in front of him. She was reaching for the edge of his trousers and he panicked. Without thinking he pulled his leg away. Raging fire spread on through his leg, making him wince. He moand in agony and Anna shot up.

„Mr Bates!"  
>She reached for him, hands laying on his shoulders. She tried to steady him, her heart pounding hart against her chest. She couldn't stand seeing him in pain and before she could stop herself she cupped his face with one hand and stroke his cheek with her thumb, trying to make the pain go away. Mr Bates needed some seconds before the pain eased. He could feel her touch and slowly opened his eyes. He was surprised how close her face was to his. He could see the little gold freckles in her iris and feel her breath on his face. Time slowed down, all the pain forgotten. His heart was full of her, her name echoing in his head. Anna...<p>

No. No, it musn't be...

Slowly, he laid his hand on top of hers and pulled it away. Anna sank on the floor again.

„I'm sorry, Mr. Bates."

He shook his head. „It's not your fault."

„I surprised you."

Mr Bates looked down on her. Her eyes were huge and her cheeks flushed, her breath slowing down. He couldn't help but smile a little. Dear Anna, always so worried.

„Indeed you have."

Anna smiled and for a few seconds they just said there, looking at each other. Suddenly, Anna blinked and cleared her throat.

„So, are you ready?"

„No! Anna, please. It is nearly midnight. You will get in trouble. Mrs Hughes will lock the door any minute!"

Anna grinned, reached into her pocket and pulled the black iron key out, waving it proudly. Mr Bates was shocked.

„Did you take it?" He couldn't believe that she would do such a stupid thing.

„What are you thinking of me, Mr Bates. I'd never dare."

„Then how...?"

„Do you really believe I would come here on such a late hour without Mrs Hughes permission?"

Mr Bates calmed down. A little.

„So Mrs Hughes knows about this?"

„Of course. She instantly agreed when I asked for permission. I can tell that she is worried, too."

Mr Bates sighed. He was only causing other people trouble. How he would like to be of some use.

Anna saw the dark thoughts in his eyes and carefully but a hand on his good knee. Her voice was soothing as she spoke.

„Mr Bates, we are really worried. Please let me try to help you. If it doesn't work, no harm is done. At least we tried."

Her eyes were filled with the wish to help, with worry and with something that he didn't dare to name.

„Anna..." he began, but she wouldn't let him finish.

„Please, Mr Bates. For me."

Another intense look and he knew he was defeated.

„All right. You have paid for it, after all. But I will pay you back."

Anna grinned happily.

„No, you won't."

Mr Bates shook his head, smiling. She could be so stubborn.

„So, will you let me rub it in, finally?"

Mr Bates heart stuttered once more.

„I will do it myself, thank you."

„No, you will not. Mother explicitly said that the creme has to be spread on the knee as well as the lower leg and that the leg has to be relaxed. How do you want to do this on your own?"

„I will find a way." He tried to sound convincing but he knew that this was impossible.

„Mr Bates, you are behaving irrationally. Just let me help you now. It is late and I can't stay all night and discuss this with you."

His mind was racing, but he didn't come up with any argument that would prevent this from happening. She was right. He knew she wasn't going to leave before she did what she has come for and if they were debatting any longer, this could take hours. Beaten, he let his head sink and sighed heavily. Anna understood.

„Perfect. I am going to touch your leg now, so don't panic", she teased him. He couldn't believe that she was so comfortable doing this. But that was part of the magic in their relationship. Whatever there was said or nearly done, they never stopped being comfortable in each others company.

Mr Bates smiled and nodded. Anna returned that smile before she reached out, laid his hand on his ankle and ever so carefully pulled his feet into her lap. She opened his shoe and stripped it off his foot. He looked down at his black sock and for a second he was worried that it smelled after a long day of work. But Anna didn't say anything and Mr Bates was too embarrased to ask.

He looked away as Anna began to pull up the leg of his trousers. This whole situation was so absurd that he didn't know if he should cry or laugh. But he knew that this was just the beginning of his torture. Her touch was still warm on his cheek. It had made him nearly lose control just being close to her. How should he stay reserved and distant when she was about to touch his bare skin for minutes? Automatically his fingers clutched around the arms of his chair and his breathing quickened.

„Could you hand me the pot, please?" Anna asked.

There was no way out. It was going to happen. His fingers were shaking a little as he reached for the creme and handed it to her. She took it, looked down and opened it. She was totally composed, professional. She was far from having anything but his well-being on her mind. He felt shame rushing trough him. She was an angel and he was a dirty old man, not worthy to be in her presence.

„Oh..." she exclaimed and he looked down at her.

„Everything all right?"

„Yes. It's just...it smells pretty strong. Eucalyptus?" she asked and holding it up to him.

He sniffed at it, the smell stung his nose and he wrinkled it.

„Well, it has to be good if it smells that bad", she encouraged him, smiling.

He chuckled.

„Surely I will dream of Eucalyptus trees tonight."

She chuckled, too, as she put her fingers in the thick creme and spreading it on all of her hands.

„Maybe you will be a big grey, fluffy Koala on the search for food."

They shared a laugh and Mr Bates couldn't help but notice how pretty she looked when she was smiling and looking up to him with that teasing look in her eyes.

„Ready?" she asked, still teasing.

„I try not to scream", he joked. That seemed to be all he could do. Taking it in good humor.

Anna rewarded him with another smile before she placed both of her hands on his calf. Mr Bates twiched a little.

„It's cold", he said surprised.

„I wanted to surprise you", Anna teased once more.

Mr Bates chuckled. Anna looked down again and began to work the creme into his skin. The smile which was on his faces instantly faded and he couldn't help but close his eyes for a moment. Not only because of the sensation of Annas gentle hands on his calf but also because it felt so amazing. She put just enough pressure into her movements to losen the spasms in his legs. He hadn't known how bad it was until she started her massage. Goose bumps were running up and down his spine and he let himself enjoy these delightful sensations. He know he shouldn't. It wasn't right what she was doing. Easing his pain. He deserved the pain. He was obligated to it. He shouldn't feel the relaxation.

„Open your eyes, Man. Open your eyes!" he tried to command himself but his eyelids didn't obey him anymore. It felt too good.

Her hands moved in a slow rhytm, squeezing when sliding downwards, taking all the pain with her. The cool creme was tingling on his skin, the coolness becoming warmth through the massage.

This was heaven. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so good, so relaxed.

After minutes had passed, he finally could manage to open his eyes. It was then he realised that his head had tilted back for he was looking at the ceiling. Carefully, he looked down, feeling the shame building up inside of him again. Anna was looking up, directly into his eyes, a small smile across her lips.

„Does it feel good?"

Mr Bates didn't trust his voice, so he cleared his troath once before speaking.

„I wish I could say no."

He felt warmth filling his cheeks and he prayed to God that he wasn't blushing in front of her.

Annas smile widened, which wasn't a good sign. But why didn't she blush? Didn't it embarass her that he let go so much?

„You can stop if you want", he offered to put her out of her maybe well hidden misery.

„No, I am not done yet. I still have to massage the knee."

„I don't know if that is a good idea."

„I will be very carfeul, I promise."

She was so confident in this absurd situation. That was one thing he admired about her. She was so young and she already had this much bravery in her. He knew he would never know a better woman...Suddenly he heard voices from a past conversation in his head: „Dream of a better man." - „I can't...because there isn't one."

Oh, Anna...if he just had met her earlier in his life. Maybe it would have all been different. With her by his side, steadying, comforting him, maybe he wouldn't have screwed it all up. But maybe he still would have and Anna would be his wife, hurt and hiding from him. That thought he couldn't bear.

„Are you ready?" Anna asked and looked up.

„I am a little nervous, to be honest", he tried to joke.

„I won't hurt you. Trust me."

„I do. It's my leg I don't trust."

Anna smiled understandingly and than she raised a little so she could reach his knee. Ever so gently, her fingers moved upwards, nearly touching his skin. Anna spread the creme carefully on his knee, so that the coolness could calm his muscles and his skin.

It was a relieve. It was as good as an ice-pack.

„Does it hurt?" Anna asked carefully, ready to wipe the creme away.

„No...No, it's fine."

They smiled at eacht other and after a few more minutes Anna started to massage the knee. She was much more gentle and her movements were slower, but it felt just as good. This time, Mr Bates fought hard to keep his eye open and pretended to be interested in her technique. But everything before his eyes was in a blur. He could only feel, feel Annas hands on his knee, easing it's pain. From time to time, her fingers slipped under his rolled up trousers to his thigh and Mr Bates' heart started beating faster. He scolded his body for reacting on such an innocent touch. He tried to focus on something else and looked at her face instead. Her features were smooth, almost relaxed. She seemed fully devoted to her task, a small smile on her face. It was this simple, silent moment that he realised, no matter what would become of them, he would love her forever. Although he wasn't free to, he had given her his heart. Without her even knowing. Or did she? He never dared to say the words, but in his weak moments, when she had looked at him so lovingly, he had tried to give her hints of what he truly felt for her. And then there were moments when he had crushed those hints by saying something stupid or just walking away, for example when she was off to London and asked him if he would miss her. It was so obvious to him that he would, that he said something stupid. He remembered the hurt in her eyes like it had happened yesterday.

He didn't know for sure if she knew that his feelings were just as strong as hers, but he hoped that she would one day. And some nights he even dared to pray that one day he would be allowed to say those words to her.

„Well, I think I am done."

Mr Bated focused, coming back to reality. He looked to the the watch and gasped inwardly. She had massaged him over an hour.

„Thank you, Anna", he said gently.

„You're welcome, Mr Bates."

She beamed at him, showing no sign of fatigue at all, stood up and cleaned her hands in his washing bowl.

„Maybe it is best to wear some old pants for the night. I don't know what the creme does to fabric."

„I will."

„Here, let me give you a hand."

Anna took his hand and helped him standing up, although he hesitated a moment. He hated to be treated like a cripple, but he knew Anna meant nothing but well.

He let her lay his arm around her shoulder and her arm around his waist. As he stood, he gently put some weight on the leg. It wasn't comfortable, but it was a little better already. Anna looked up at him questiongly.

„It's feels a little better", he answered honestly.

Anna smiled, hiding her pride and happiness by lowering her head.

„I will come to you every night, then. Mother says that the creme will last for a month. And when it works, she will get more."

Anna led him to the door and released him, handing him his cane. Finally, it was time to say goodbye.

Mr Bates really didn't know what to say.

„Thank you for everything."

He thought that was a good start.

„Don't thank me yet. Not until it's working."

They smiled at each other. Mr Bates longed to take her hand in his, but he'd never dare.

„Let me pay you for the creme."

„No."

Anna said with a smile and opened the door so that Mr Bates couldn't try tu persuade her. Instead he put his head out of the room, checking the hallway. He nodded in Annas direction and she carefully walked out of the room.

„Good Night", she whispered and beamed at him.

Mr Bates didn't dare to speak so he just smiled and nodded his goodbye. He watched her until she had closed and silently locked the door behind her before closing his own door. For a moment, he stood her, staring at the doorknob and letting this absurd night pass in his mind. How he loved her for what she had done for him, for what she was willing to do for him. His heart was filled with love. It hurt. It hurt because he knew he could never let him out. He realised that the upcoming month would be a bittersweet torture. But he just couldn't say no to her. It would hurt her just as much as him.

A/N: Please leave a review, let me know what I did wrong and of course if you liked it or not. If you wish, I will write on. :)

Good night

Kendra (3:04 am. Holy hairbrushes!)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, here we go again. Thanks to my reviewers. I am very happy that you like it. :)

~ o ~

Fastly, the nights in Mr Bates room became custom. At the beginning, Mr Bates tried to protest. Anna wouldn't hear it. She rolled up his sleeve and started her work. Mr Bates would feel relaxation kick in and would allow himself a break from all the fighting with himself. And after she was finished and had cleaned her hands, Anna would walk him to the door, where Mr Bates always said:

„Let me pay you for the creme."

But of course, stubborn Anna wouldn't hear that either.

After two weeks, Mr Bates leg felt as good as he has in years. It was much easier for him to walk, thanks to Anna and her devotional care. But carrying heavy things or lifting would still cause him great pain. He could still feel Annas worried eyes on him, but could also the determination. She wouldn't rest until he was freed from that pain.

In one night, after the work was done and Mr Bates and Anna were standing at the door to say goodnight, Mr Bates said again.

„Let me repay you."

But this time there wasn't a no. This time, she smiled and agreed. Mr Bates was relieved.

„How much do I owe you?"

„No, I will not take any money."

„I don't understand."

„I would prefer a favor."

„You know I would help you, no matter if I owed you anything."

„I know. But it is either that or nothing."

He thought for a few seconds.

„All right, then. A favor it is."

She beamed at him.

„Good night, Mr Bates."

„Good Night, Anna."

And she was gone.

~ o ~

Christmas came and the house was full of people. Everyone was busy, hurrying up and down the stairs, rushing through always, doing this, doing that. Mr Bates hadn't seen Anna since breakfast, even at the dinner table she was missing, because the girls needed her. Midnight past and Anna didn't come. He assumed that she had directly gone to bed and changed into his nightwear. Just as he was about to turn off the light, he heard gently knocking. Mr Bates opened the door and a very tired looking Anna entered the room. Her hair was a little messy, some streaks were hanging out from her bun and fell into her face.

„I'm sorry it took so long. Lady Sybill dress wouldn't open and it took me about half an hour to get her out...it was so embarassing. She must think I'm an idiot."

Mr Bates had never seen her stressed before and he was quite taken aback.

As she turned around to face him, her eyes flickered up and down and body and she slightly flushed.

„Oh...you are ready for bed..."

Suddenly he became aware that he was only wearing his old white shirt and brown pants.

„Well, yes. I thought you would have gone to bed by now."

„I see."

Anna didn't know where to look, she fumbled with her apron, her cheeks red.

„Go to bed, Anna. You need sleep."

This took her out of her embarrasment.

„No. I will massage you. It has to be on a regular basis."

„What is one night?"

„No. I won't risk destroying the progress we made. You feel better, don't you?"

„Yes, but..."

„No buts. Sit and be quiet."

Mr Bates couldn't help but smile as he walked to the chair. She was a fighter, his Anna. All the tiredness seemed to be gone and she was her joyful self again. So he said down and let her do what she wanted to do.

Her fingers slid under his wide pants and easily pulled it over his knee. She lingered there for a moment, her fingers stroking his soft skin gently, feeling the little hairs. Mr Bates stiffened and Anna shrieked out of her thoughts. She dug her fingers in the creme and started massaging.

„How was your day?" she asked, as she always did.

Mr Bates reported willingly and tried to entertain her a little. It actually worked, Anna smiled and laughed, beamed up to him.

She endured the hour dutifully, although she was very very tired. Her back and her shoulders were stiff from todays work and as she got up, pain shot trough her neck. It made her wince and she rubbed her shoulder.

„Is something wrong with your neck?"

„No, no. I' fine. It's just been a long day. I'll just sleep it off."

She turned around and was surprised how close Mr Bates was. He looked down on her, his brown eyes full of worry.

„You shouldn't have massaged me. If I had known..."

„...you wouldn't have let me do my work."

Mr Bates smiled that smile Anna loved so much.

„You think to much of others and not enough of yourselve."

„Not others...just you..."

Anna blushed again. She didn't know where that came from. She was holding up so well. In all those week they had spent together, she touching him in such an intimate way, she never gave herself away. She had been so proud of herself. He had been opening up to her, to them being together, she had felt it. But now she had ruined everything! Only tiredness could make her let her guard down. And maybe it was Mr Bates tiredness, too, that made him do what he did.

He raised a hand and gently placed it on her neck, starting to massage it. Anna was shocked, her heart racing, her eyes wide. But Mr Bates didn't look at her, seemed to be concentrated on the movement of his hands. He was so close. She could feel his breath on her chin, feel the heat evaporating from his body, which was only covered by this simple white shirt. She didn't know what she should do. She knew what she wanted to do, though. She wanted to place her hands on his chest to feel the fabric of his shirt, the heat of his body and his heart beating. She wanted to embrace him and never let go. But she must not. She must not...

„Let me massage you, Anna" Mr Bates whispered.

Her eyes fluttered to him and her heart stopped beating for a moment. His eyes had darkened, they looked so soft and affectionate.

„You don't have to. I am fine."

„Isn't that what I always said?"

Mr Bates smiled and Anna couldn't help but smile, too.

„Yes, you did."

„I can be just as stubborn as you are, Anna, so don't try me."

How could she not love this man, when he was speaking so gently, massaging her neck, standing so close to her, being manly and strong.

„All right, then" she finally agreed.

He nodded, satisfied, and lifted the chair of the ground. He put it in front of the bed and pattet the backrest, gesturing her to sit. She did and he sat behind her on the bed, streching his leg.

„Is it comfortable for you?" she asked, still worried about him.  
>„Yes, I am. Now be quiet and enjoy. I fear I am not nearly as good as you in this, but I do my best to help."<p>

She nodded and turned around.

„After all, I still owe you a favour."

Without warning, Anna jumped out of the chair, ignoring the complaints her neck was giving her.

„No, if this costs me the favor, I will go."

„Pardon me?"

Anna blushed a little.

„I don't want to waste my favor on a massage..."

„Well, then this might be a Christmas gift. Would that be suitable for you?"

Anna smiled, glad that he didn't asked about her strange behaviour and sat again.

Mr Bates laid his hands on her shoulders and started to massage them. He didn't know how much pressure he should use, so he tried different intensities until Anna sighed and leaned back in the chair. He tried to losen up her spasms, gently rubbed down her upper back, not daring to go further down.

„Is this allright, Anna? You will tell me when it hurts, won't you?"

„It's heaven." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. Mr Bates got goosebumps. His sweet, delicate Anna. Her head and heart were strong, but her body felt so fragile in his big hands. He feared to hurt her, so he loosened his grip as he wandered up to her neck with one hand, while the other rested on her shoulder. Anna sighed again in enjoyment. Mr Bates could see that she got gossbumps, too. Involuntary, he leaned forward, closer to her, until he could smell her hair and her skin. She smelled wonderfully, like lillys mixed with the smell of the girls' perfumes and the almost gone smell of freshly cleaned sheets. Mr Bates smiled and without knowing, he leaned even closer. He wanted to feel the heat of her body, feel it evaporate from her long, elegant neck. It took over a minute until he was close enough. His hands had wondered down her arms to her hands and his fingers intertwined with hers. He didn't know what he was doing anymore. He was so tired, everything felt like a dream to him. He had denied himself to be close to her for too long. Just for one moment, he thought. I only want to feel her for one short moment. What is that compared to eternity?

He closed his eyes and bowed his head, while at the same time he laid his arms around her small waist, taking her arms with him. He pulled her a little closer, the chair scratched over the floor, but even this couldn't make him stop. Just one moment, he kept thinking.

Only the backrest prevented their upper bodies to touch. Mr Bates was frustrated and grateful at the same time. He didn't know what he would have done once he felt her body against his. But this wasn't enough, either. His longing took over and he let his head sink on her shoulder, until his nose touched her neck. Her smell was so intense now, her soft skin too alluring to not move his head so his lips touched it. He let them slide up and down her delicate skin, first without moving them. But even with that impudence he wasn't satisfied. He couldn't get enough of her. And in this one moment they would share, he wanted as much as he dared to claim. So he started to move his lips, placing soft kisses on her neck, gentle and bittersweet. He held her close, finally understanding that they had been meant to be like this, close to each other, as lovers, as husband and wife. His wrong decisions would seperate them forever.

But he didn't want to think about this now. He didn't want to think at all. He just wanted to feel. Feel his Anna in his arms, where she belonged. Enjoy this moment of pure happiness.

It would have been enough for him to hold and caress her, but he had forgotten that his Anna was brave. Slowly, she moved her head so that it laid on his shoulder now. She turned her head, touching his neck with her forhead, then with her nose. Mr Bates could feel her hot breath on his skin, before her soft lips burnt it. He pulled her even closer, never wanted to let go. Both of them were lost in this tender moment, showing each other what they felt without using words. Hands still intertwined, they only used their heads to spend tenderness. Cheeks touched, lips were placed on foreheads, earlobes, cheeks, jaws and even chins, but never on lips. This, neither of them dared. Although in a dream, far back in their minds they still knew that this was reality, too.

They spent what felt like eternity in this position. Maybe they even fell asleep in each others arms, they couldn't tell. But somehow, they found their way back to Downton Abbey and both of them opened their eyes.

They were silent, cheek to cheek, still in a tight embrace. Funny enough, no one felt embarrased about what had just happened. They just felt happy, warm, at ease, reluctant to let go. But the had to, sooner or later. And of course it was Mr Bates who realised this first.

„It is late" he whispered.

He was surprised that she answered instantly.

„Yes. I should be going."

For a split second, everything in Mr Bates screamed to hold on and he fastened his grip on her. But logic was used to win with this man and so he released her, although reluctantly. Finally, they stood, walked to the door, facing each other. There was no hesitation when they looked into each others eyes, no embarassment, not even regret. Just two smiles.

„Merry Christmas, Anna."

„Merry Christmas, Mr Bates."

A/N: Hope you guys like it and send me a short notice. :) Have a good Sunday. :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I very much appreciate it and am really happy that you like it. :) So no further delay. Let's read on! :)

~o~

The days flew by and the night came when Anna put the last bit of creme on her hands. She sighed inwardly.

„I am sorry the new creme didn't arrive on time. What shall we do?" she asked as she started to massage Mr Bates, who had pulled of his jacket and the west and was sitting on his chair in pants and chemise.

„We wait. It won't kill me, you know?" he tried to calm her down.

„But what about the progress. Your leg finally feels so smooth and relaxed. All that work for nothing?"

„Don't worry, Anna. It'll be allright."

Anna just shook her head and looked down. Mr Bates could tell she was agitated. She took his health so seriously, was so worried about him. He couldn't help but smile.

They sat in an unusual silence, each of them trying to get used to the thought that this would be the last night together for a while. It really has become a loved habit for Mr Bates. He would miss to talk privately to her without being afraid that they would be interrupted by one of the others. He would miss being able to watch her while she was concentrated on massaging, memorising every little detail of her face. Well, he would miss her.

But he knew this needed to come to an end sooner or later. They couldn't go on like this forever, pretending that this intimacy between them was right. It was wrong. He still was married and a sentenced thief. He had no right whatsoever to claim her company or her heart. His head understood, but his heart's protests have become louder and louder during the weeks. He wasn't so sure if logic would win if he was confronted with a decision he had to make regarding Anna.

„I am done", she said and rolled down his pants. She rose and washed her hands while Mr Bates stood and retrieved his cane from the bed. As he turned, Anna was still facing the desk, making no move. He understood that she didn't want this to end, either. Understandingly, he walked to her and put a hand on her shoulder, making her turn. Her eyes were watering and his heart tightened.

„Well, well. This is not the end of the world, Anna. Just consider it a break. You can go to bed early and forget about the old lame Mr Bates."

„Don't say such a thing. You know that this will never happen."

Gently, he pulled her in what should be a friendly embrace to comfort her.

He feared that she would say such a thing. He believed her. At the beginning he had thought she just had a crush on him which would end eventually. He should have known that Anna wasn't such a woman. When she gave her heart away, it was forever. He closed his eyes, pulling her closer to his chest. She put his arms around his back willingly, leaning against him. Her hair tickled his neck and he breathed in deeply, taking in her wonderful scent. How could fate be so merciless on such a fine young woman? How could God allow that she fell in love with a man she could never have. This wasn't fair. She didn't do anything to deserve this torture. If he could just put her out of her misery. But by now he knew it was to late for them. He didn't have the strenght to keep distance to her and now she had to suffer.

„I'm sorry, Anna. I wish I was a free man...so that I could offer you what you deserve..."

Anna sobbed and clung to him. He didn't know what to do, so he just held her while she cried softly. His eyes were watering, too, and he gently kissed the top of her head.

It took a while till Anna was able to compose herself. She stepped out of the embrace and wiped her tears away.

„I'm sorry, Mr Bates. That was childish."

„No, I don't think so" he said and she looked up, seeing his puffy eyes. She smiled knowingly and raised her hand to his cheek, gently stroking it. Her look was full of love, sadness and longing that his heart tightened once more.

„You still owe me a favour, you know."

„I remember" he answered, getting a little nervous.

She hesitated a second. But then she took a deep breath and asked for the one thing she longed for so long.

„Kiss me, Mr Bates."

In a way, he wasn't surprised. After all what had happened between them, this was the natural next step. And still he feared to go there, not trusting himself.

„Please don't ask this of me, Anna."

„Don't you want to kiss me?" she asked ever so gently that his heart jumped. He took her hand from his cheek and pulled it to his lips, kissing her knuckles.

„You know I do" he whispered with eyes closed, pressing his lips on her hand again.

„Then what is holding you back?"

He opened his eyes, his look full of longing.

„I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop."

She shivered, her mouth slighty open.

„Then don't" she whispered hoarsly and stepped close to him, her upper body touching his. Mr Bates shook his head, everything inside him screaming to run, but his body wouldn't move. Anna saw the fear in his eyes and took his hand in hers.

„There was a moment when you wanted to kiss me, too. What's different now?"

„Nothing...and everything...I will only hurt you, Anna. You deserve better."

She shook her head.

„I maybe young, but I am neither stupid nor naive. You have been honest with me. You told me you are married. And I know what this means. I am not asking you to compromise me and I know you would never do this. I fully trust you, Mr Bates. You are the best man I have ever known and it is not you that keeps us apart. It is a decision you made in your past and we both have to live with that. I just...I just want a piece of happiness that both of us can cling to...Don't you?"

Oh, he couldn't think straight anymore with her so close to him, saying all those things that made his heart swell with devotion. She looked deep into his eyes, no fear in them, just that love he didn't deserve. But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

„Please, John. If not for yourself, than at least for me."

His heart stopped beating as he called him by his christian name. They were so close, physically and emotionally. How could he not give in to her now, when she was looking at him like that, her beautiful lips slightly apart, waiting for his lips to meet them. He didn't want to fight her and himself anymore. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer. She closed her eyes as he bowed his head, expecting his kiss. He closed his eyes as well and gave in. His lips found hers easily and a shiver ran up and down his spine as he finally tasted her. He moved gently and sweet over her lips, almost shy, but savouring every second of it. Anna answered his kiss with the same tenderness. He could feel her heart beating strongly against his chest. Or was it his own heart? He couldn't tell the difference anymore. When they needed air, they seperated, faces only inches apart. Both of their eyes had darkened, the longing they had kept silent for so long finally taking over. Anna reached around his neck and buried her fingers in his silky hair as she pulled him down again. This time Mr Bates didn't hesitate. He bent down and pressed his lips on hers, more passionate this time. She felt so right in his arms that he forgot everything around them. He opened his mouth, just far enough that his tongue could slip through and tickle her lips. A surprised moan escaped her before she opened her mouth and greeted his tongue with hers. She always has been brave, his Anna. He couldn't help but moan, too, as he deepened the kiss even more. They were lost in each others embrace, the world around them forgotten. Nothing mattered anymore. Not their position, not that Mr Bates was married. It was like it had been on chrismas. It was their moment. No more fears and regrets, just love and happiness. They would have stayed like this forever if there hadn't been the need for air. Anna was pressed so tightly against Mr Bates that she could hardly breath. She couldn't help but turn her head away so that finally air could fill her lungs again. Mr Bates hardly noticed, he was kissing his way from her jaw down her neck, his fingers buried in her bun. Anna moaned again, closing her eyes, quivering again and again. This was the man under all the lairs of self-hatred. This was the man she wanted. Her John, the passionate lover. No more hiding. He showed her all his love and it overwhelmed her. She started to cry, not because of pain but because of happiness. With all her heart she believed that there was a future for them, if they just never gave up hope.

Somehow, through the fog of love and desire, Mr Bates noticed Anna's wet cheeks. He immediately let go of her. She nearly fell, too surprised to keep balance, so that Mr Bates had to steady her.

„Oh my God. I am so sorry, Anna."

„No, no. It's all right. I am just so happy."

She smiled at him with red eyes and hugged him again.

„I love you, John."

He placed his arms around her again and kissed her forehead. There was no need in trying to deny it anymore.  
>„I love you, Anna."<p>

She laughed and clung to him, enjoying that happiest of moments.

They held each other in silence for a long time before letting each other go.

„It is late" Mr Bates said softly into her hair.

Anna just nodded, stepping back to look into his brown eyes. There was that insecurity again, but she wouldn't have it. Once again, she cupped his cheek with hers.

„Don't hate yourself for this. This was something good. We both needed it more than anything."

He smiled.

„I'm just afraid that I will want to do it again."

For one second her mouth fell open, shocked that he teased her like this. But then she smiled, happy that he was not torturing himself about the kiss.

„Then I better brace myself for any attacks", she teased him back and made him smile.

They walked to the door, he checked the hallway as always before letting her step outside. It was the first time he saw her from some distance and he couldn't help but smile. Her bun was totally messed up, streaks falling into her face and neck. And her lips were swollen and red from his passionate kisses. She was too alluring that he could stop himself. One quick glance in each direction before he pulled her close to him, pressing his lips on hers once more, swiftly but very gentle.

„Now off to bed with you" he said grinning and pushed her gently away.

„Good night", she whispered and went back to her room.

Mr Bates smiled as he watched her stumbling across the hallway. He watched her closing the door, beaming at him one last time.

Maybe this has been a mistake, but he didn't regret it. There was enough he could regret, but not making Anna happy. And himself, too.

~o~

A/N: Honestly, I have no idea where to go from this. I don't want them to be out of character and I am trying to think of what they would do, but somehow I don't know. They both have very high standards and I am not sure how far they would go with their liason. *hmpf* If any of you have an idea or simple want to have an idea which might be a little OC written out, just out with. I am grateful for any input. :)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Now that I can watch the second season in german TV, I have a total DA-flash and found some new inspiration to continue that story, which I admit love very much. I don't think it can follow the original plot, for I want to keep it light and romantic. We have enough drama in the Original, don't we? :(

~oOOo~

John entered the sitting room and was surprised to not find Anna there, who normally already sat at the breakfast table, giving him the first smile of the day. In his head, worry started its usual torture. Did she regret their encounter after all? Did she feel ashamed that they have gone so far? Did she think of him as a dirty old man?

He was glad when Mrs. Hughes inquired after Anna and Ethel, the new maid, told her that she couldn't wake her this morning and she herself had been too hungry to continue trying to wake her. She was an adult after all, Ethel said.

"Well, I will see to her after breakfast", Mrs. Hughes said and continued to eat, not before glancing shortly at Bates.

Of course she knew that she had been with him last night. Shame washed over John and he looked down on his plate. They have stayed up pretty late. It was all his fault…

Bates continued to scold himself silently while eating his breakfast until he heard hurried footsteps on the stairs. Anna rushed in the room in her uniform, just putting on the apron.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hughes. I overslept."

"It's all right Anna. Just make sure to straighten your hair and don't forget to put on the hat."  
>"Yes, Mrs. Hughes", Anna said and sat down next to John.<p>

He glanced at her, but Anna was focused on eating breakfast. Most of the staff has already finished and was preparing to leave.

She looked horrible. Her bun was messy, single streaks hanging out of it. She was pale and had dark circle under her eyes.

John felt even worse. Poor Anna, all that just because he couldn't control himself…

The bell rang, everyone looked up. It was Lady Mary. Anna shot up, nearly knocking the chair over. John caught it.

"Thanks", Anna said without looking at him. While leaving the room, she rearranged her hair and took the white hat out of her pocket. John watched her hurrying up the stairs and out of sight.

"Well, let's get to work, then", Mr. Carson said and everyone stood. Mrs. Hughes glanced at Mr. Bates again, telling him with her eyes that she wanted to talk to him. They both lingered around the room until they were alone. Mrs. Hughes hurried over to Bates and whispered.

"What happened last night? She looks awful."

"She told me she had trouble with getting Lady Sybil out of her dress. It was way past midnight before she showed up at my room. I told her to go to sleep, but she wouldn't listen."

Mrs. Hughes looked relieved.

"I already thought you two had an argument or something. How do you feel? Anna told me that you made some progress with the leg?"

John hid his relief of Mrs. Hughes not asking further questions. But he felt like he had betrayed her. She thought they were meeting only for medical reasons and had no idea that they had gotten carried away last night and had overstepped their boundaries. It pained him that they kind of misused her trust in them.

"It is much better. Although I was very uncomfortable at first with the whole situation, Anna did some magic with my leg."

"Yes, it shows. You walk a lot faster already. And you are right, this is a very unusual situation. I gave permission, so I expect you to be very discrete about this."

"Yes, of course. Thanks, Mrs. Hughes."

Now, she smiled.

"No worries. You know we both worry about you. And not out of pity but out of affection. One of us maybe a little different than the other", Mrs. Hughes smiled mischievously and walked away.

John was dumbstruck. So Mrs. Hughes knew about Annas feelings for him? Well, it just had been a matter of time, hadn't it? Anna trusted Mrs. Hughes and was what came closest to a confidant. But John didn't know how to deal with that.

The bell rang and reminded him that he could think about this later.

All day, Bates tried to catch Anna alone. But he saw her nowhere. She didn't show up at tea time, Mrs. Hughes informing him that she had to assist Lady Sybil with something. With every hour that went by, John got more and more worried. When he sat down for dinner, he was sure that Anna had cried her eyes out last night, feeling abused by him. He didn't know what he would do if she would hate him now. He really should have prepared himself for that. How could he think even for one second that this sweet angel could stand his bad character?

"I'm sorry again, Mrs. Hughes" he heard her tired voice as Anna hurried in again. She took her place and instantly started eating, ignoring him again. Once or twice he tried to get her attention. He just needed her to look at him. But she continued to ignore him.

After dinner, as Daisy was cleaning the table, John turned to Anna to say something, but she already got up.

"Lady Mary needs me to stake off her new dress", she said to Mrs. Hughes.

"Can't that wait until tomorrow? You look exhausted. Maybe one of the others could…"

"No, I'm all right. I will go. But thanks, Mrs. Hughes."  
>She smiled at her and was out of the room again. John sat there and looked at the doorway for a second. His heart ached. She hated him, he was sure. With a sigh he stood up and went out into the courtyard. He sat down on the crates and looked up at the sky, letting the wind rustle through his hair, carrying his thoughts away. He didn't even feel how time went by. All he could think of was Anna, as he held her in his arms, her delicate body snuggled against his, her lips so tenderly on his. He would always remember that wonderful moment, when she had been all his. It had only been them, no worries, no dark thoughts, no boundaries. Just a man and a woman showing each other what they felt. Or had felt, before the woman had come to her senses and realized that she could do so much better than him. She deserved more. He would be the last to deny it…<p>

"There you are."

He flinched as he heard her voice next to him. She still looked awfully tired, but her smile made the stars vanish into the background. As soon as she reached him, she sat next to him and took his hand.

"Your hand is cold. How long have you been sitting here, John?"

She looked at him reproachfully but he just stared at her. She touched him again, looked at him, smiled at him. He was confused.

"What's the matter? Oh no. So you're actually doing it. I know that look. Mr. Bates is hating himself again."

He opened his mouth to speak, but she put her hand on it.

"Don't you dare to regret that, John Bates. Don't you dare to tell me that this has been a mistake and that you will never do it again. I swear to God, if you say that to me, I'll smack you."

He just looked at her, so she slowly put her hand away.

"You don't regret it?" he asked quietly.

"Are you kidding me? I would kiss you in the sitting room, in front of them all, If you would let me. I was so happy last night that I couldn't sleep."

John was so relieved that he laughed.

"What?" she asked and raised an eyebrow, warning him to not make fun of her.  
>He just took her hands in his cold ones and pressed them against his lips.<p>

"I was so sure that you cried your eyes out last night, wishing me to hell for groping you."

She laughed.

"As far as I know there wasn't any groping. Which I wouldn't have minded, by the way."

They grinned at each other and John allowed himself to cup her cheek with his hand, gently stroking it with his thumb.

"You're really not mad?"

Anna sighed and slid closer to him until she could snuggle against his side.

"You know, for such an experienced man you are pretty slow when it comes to a woman's feelings."

He chuckled.

"Thanks for saying 'experienced' instead of 'old'."

"You're welcome", she grinned and put his hands between hers, starting to rub them.

"So why did you ignore me this morning and at dinner?"

"Because I was too tired to deal with your dark thoughts today. I didn't want you to look at me all resentful and apologizing. I just would have done something stupid."

"Like smacking me in front of everyone?"

Anna laughed.

"I bet O'Brien would have loved that."

He chuckled. "I guess so."

They smiled at each other.

"You're cold, John", she softly said, looking down at their hands.

"I don't feel cold."

She looked up at him, her face so close. His eyes wandered to her lips. He slowly bent down. Anna closed her eyes and tilted her head a little. John was still amazed that Anna offered herself to him so willingly. He couldn't understand what she saw in him, but he wouldn't fight their attraction anymore. He just loved her too much. And after that day of torture he needed something to ease his dark thoughts. So he closed his eyes and allowed himself to kiss her once more. He laid his lips on hers tenderly, only with a little pressure at first. Her taste was exquisite. Her warmth lulled him in, made him put an arm around her, pulling her closer to his body. Her scent made his heart beat faster and he let one hand slide into her neck to deepen the kiss. Anna sighed against his lips and laid her hands on his chest, burning his cooled flesh through the clothes. She opened her mouth a little and let her tongue slide over his lower lip, begging for entry. John made a noise of pleasure, but he broke the kiss and leaned back a little.

He looked down at her, smiling.

"I told you I would want to do it again."

"I don't mind so much", she smiled back, her hands slowly rubbing up and down his chest.

She wanted to lean in again, but he stopped her.

"You have to get some sleep tonight, Anna. You look awful."

"Why, Mr. Bates. You know what a woman wants to hear", she replies and looks down, a little embarrassed. But he chuckles, putting a finger under her chin to make her look up again.

"You know I didn't mean it that way. But you know I'm right."  
>"You're not my father. You can't boss me around."<p>

"First of all, thank God I'm not."

Anna chuckles.

"Second of all, I only mean well."  
>"There isn't a chance that you let me sleep in your bed tonight, is there?" she jokes as they both get up.<p>

"I don't mind, but I don't think Ethel would agree with me sleeping in your bed."

"Haha," Anna replied as she handed him his cane.

"Are you a jealous woman?" John asked out of curiosity as they walked back to the house, as close to each other as they dared.

"I don't know, really. I've never been in love before. But I have to admit, the fact that you have a wife is troubling me from time to time. Is that jealousy?"

She looked up at him but he just smiled and took her hand in his.

"You don't have to be jealous of her. I don't love her anymore."

"Not even a little?"

"No."

"You don't want to talk about her, do you?" Anna asked. She knew him well.

"No, I don't. Especially right after I kissed you" John admitted, smiling. They went inside and John let go of her hand, even though it felt wrong.

In silence they climbed the stairs together until they reached the door which separated them.

"Goodnight, Anna. Promise me to sleep."

"I try my best not to think of you, then" she smiles warmly and leans in, obviously hoping for a goodnight kiss. But John wouldn't dare to kiss her here, out in the open. So he just smiles, lightly brushing her hand with his fingertips.

"Goodnight."

Anna smiled understandingly.

"Goodnight, John."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and the followers. I am really glad you like it. While I personally have trouble to come up with believable situations where they can be alone (it can't be always outside on the crates. Too boring!^^), I give you a little chappi just to go on and letting our favorite couple have at least some fun. Hope you like it. If you come up with some situations, I would love for you to tell me. :)

~oOOo~

The weeks to come were the happiest in Annas life. It was full of smiles, shared looks, fast beating hearts and flirtation. Gosh, it was so wonderful that she expected to wake up from this dream any minute, but she didn't. John didn't draw back again. He was just as flirtatious as she was, which made her the happiest girl on earth. He turned out to be really good at these little hidden signs of affection, often surprised her with touching her hand while passing her in the hallway, brushing his fingers over her knuckles. He always looked down on her when he did it, even leaned in a little, so close that if she would have lifted her head their lips would have met. The sudden closeness made her feel dizzy everytime and she couldn't help but turn and watch him walk away, sometimes turning when he rounds a corner, giving her a little smile that made her heart jump.

The war had arrived at Downton and brought a lot of work. They didn't have the opportunity to be alone a lot, so these little moments between them were even more special.

Of course, Anna wouldn't just wait for Mr. Bates to show his affection. She found ways to show hers, too.

It was tea time when Anna looked up from her book as John entered the room. The clicking sound of his cane gave him away. She smiled up at him and reached for the teapot to poor him some tea while he walked around the table and sat down next to her.

"Thank you", he said as she placed the filled cup in front of him.

"No worries, Mr. Bates."

She smiled at him before turning back to her book.

"Have you read about the troop movement in France, Bates?" Mr. Branson asked and caught his attention.

He enjoyed discussing war with him. For he was the only one among them who had fought in a war, Mr. Branson often asked him for his opinion which he liked to share, although he was no expert in military strategy, of course. But it was good to talk about it, so that no one forgot that there were men fighting for their safety.

He was in the middle of a sentence, as he felt Annas foot against his ankle. He stopped and shot her a quick look. She just smiled as if something funny had happened in her book. Only he knew the true reason for her amusement.

John cleared his throat and went on, while Anna gently slipped a toe under his pants, sliding upwards.

Just then Ethel stormed into the room, interrupting them with some nonsene she was complaining about. She demanded everyones attention and John used the opportunity to lean over to Anna.

"Why aren't you wearing your shoes?" he whispered, maybe leaning a little too close.

"Just giving my feet a rest. Why, do my socks smell or something?" she askes innocently, smiling at him.

"What are you two whispering about?"

Ethel had crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking at Anna and Bates, who looked up. While Bates felt caught, Anna just said:

"Mr. Bates just wanted to know what my book was about."

Ethel seemed to be satisfied with that and sat down. Branson was talking about war again and Bates joined the discussion between him and Mr. Carson. Then he felt Annas toe on his ankle again and had to clear his throat once more. He tried to shift his leg but Annas foot followed. She smiled again while he was trying to escape her teasing.

"What do you think, Bates?" Branson asked and Bates looked.

"I am sorry, I didn't catch that."

Branson repeated his question and John answered, all this giving Anna time to slide under his pants again, gently massaging her way up his calf as far as she could without moving. She saw how he stiffened in his seat, his hands clutching the small cup. Anna did the best she could to make this little game as sensual as she could, rubbing his calf, lightly brushing over his ankle...everything to agitate her man. How well she did, she had no idea. Johns heart was beating like hell, his skin burning where her small foot touched him. That had never been done to him before and he really was thrown out of balance by it. He had trouble to focus on the conversation, his thinking going in a complete different direction. If only they were alone, John would have grapped and showed her what she did to him. But with a room full of people, that was out of the question. How unfortunate...

"Well then. Everyone back to work" Mr. Carson orderered and John let out a sigh of relief. While the others stood and Anna was closing her book, John turned to her, resting one hand on her backrest as if he would use it for support, and whispered in her ear: "You play dirty, Miss Anna."

With this he rose, took his cane and left the room without looking at her again. Anna just grinned and hurried back to work, too.

During the rest of the evening he tried to catch her alone a few times, but she managed to escape him. That was until dinner, of course.

"What are we having?" Ethel asked while she sat down, Anna following her. Bates already sat at the table, reading in her book.

"Why, Mr. Bates. Do you think it's appropriate to read in another persons book?" Anna asked loudly as she sat down.

"I just wanted to check what was so funny about it, for you seemed to enjoy it so much today."

He smiled and handed it over to her.

"Yes, he is right. What is it about, Anna?"

Anna was trapped and John smiled inwardly while he curiously looked at her.

"Well, it's a romantic novel about two people who are head over heels for each other, but somehow they can't manage to express their feelings. They often try, but at the end it always turns out to be a funny or uncomfortable situation."

"Like what?"

"Yes, Anna, why don't you give us an example?" Bates asked, amused.

She shot him a dark look, then suddenly smiled.

"Well, there was this one situation where they were talking about an unfortunate friend, who was in love but the man in question didn't return her feelings so she was very unhappy. Well, during the conversation she thinks that they are talking about their own feelings for each other, but he is actually still talking about that friend."

Bates' heart skipped a beat. Of course, she was talking about that morning he had helped her making a bed and they had talked about Lady Edith.

"Sounds interesting. Would you lend it to me when you're done?" Ethel asked.

"Sure", Anna said and fell silent because dinner was served. She just looked at Bates triumphantly.

Dinner went on quietly, while Bates tried to figure out another way to avenge.

Unfortunately, he didn't come up with somehing and Anna managed to get out without giving him a chance to talk to her alone. So he just lied in his bed later that night, staring at the white ceiling, thinking about her, smiling.

How he loved that woman. The last few weeks have been without a doubt the happiest weeks in his life. He had forgotten how wonderful it could be to be in love. Everything was so easy when he was with her. The work wasn't so hard and he didn't feel the pain in his leg for most of the day. He was so happy that he had dared to flirt with her on many occasions. He just couldn't help it. She always looked so adorable, her smile making his heart jump. No matter how stressful her day was, as soon as she saw him, a smile was on her face...

He sighed. What wouldn't he give for being free for her. He had written to every person he knew could possibly know where Vera was, but he didn't get any helpful replies. How could a woman just disappear from earth? He kind of had a feeling that she still was in London. She always had loved living there. She wouldn't move if she didn't have to. Maybe she had trouble with the law again. Or maybe, which was more like her, she just enjoyed hiding from him, torturing him even from a distance, somehow knowing that he was in love with another woman. If she knew, would she agree to the divorce when he found her? John had his doubts. She was a bitter, spiteful woman. She loved to see him in pain.

He sighed and closed his eyes. There was no use to think about it now. He hadn't found her yet. And Vera had always managed to surprise him with her reactions. Better to think about that wonderful, sweet woman that was in his life. He banned Vera from his thoughts and concentrated on Annas smile in his mind, the feeling of her soft skin under his fingertips and her satin lips on his until he finally fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hey there. I finally came up with something. Hope you like the idea. :) Just a little fun. :)

~oOOo~

John was on his way downstairs the next morning, when suddenly Anna rushed up the stairs with her coat on, snow on her shoulders and in her hair. Her eyes were bright, the cheeks red and her smile was radiant.

„John! John, it's snowing!" she whispered eagerly, taking his hand.

„Apparently, it is", he grinned and continued to walk down the stairs.

Snow and Anna. That was something to watch. The first winter they had worked together he was quite smitten how excited Anna got when the first snow had fallen. Her face had lit up like a child's on christmas. She had jumped up from the breakfast table and stormed out of the room. Next thing they had heard was a door slamming and a happy laughter.

„Come outside with me, will you?" she begged, not letting go of his hand. While he chuckled, he quickly checked if no one saw them. They were standing in the hallway leading to the kitchen.

„I don't think that's a good idea, love", he whispered.

„Please. Just a quick walk."

„What do we tell the others?"

„I don't care." She really didn't in that moment. Snow always made her feel like a child again, without any worries. It reminded her of the happy times with her family. All the snow fights she had with her brothers. So much fun...

„You go ahead, love."

For a second, he could see disappointment wash over her face. He pressed her hand to cheer her up, but she pulled it away.

„Tell them I will be outside then, will you?"

„Sure."

But she was already gone. With a sigh he went into the kitchen, taking his place at the table while Daisy was preparing breakfast. He wished her a good morning and waited for the others, who entered the kitchen one by one within minutes. As Mrs. Hughes came in, she looked at Annas empty chair and smiled.

„Well, it must be snowing", she joked and sat down.

„Yes. Anna just told me that she will take a walk outside."

„I don't understand why you let her run around in the snow like a five-year-old. This behaviour is embarrasing for all of us."

„Well, we can't all be bitter, can we?" Ethel shot back before digging in her breakfast.

O'Brien shot her a dark look, but didn't respond. Breakfast passed by quietly and when they all were done and Daisy was clearing the table, Mrs. Hughes said:

„Daisy, please leave Annas plate and some toast. She must eat something before work."

„I'll go and see where she is, Mrs. Hughes", Bates offered and she nodded.

So John put on his coat and went outside. He watched his step while he walked through the snow. That way, he didn't see the snow ball coming. It hit him on his back. John looked up and turned around, but the other one was already coming. He couldn't duck if he didn't want to fall, so he just watched how the second ball hit his arm.

He heard Anna laugh as she walked in his direction, another snow ball in her hands.

„So, they finally sent someone to catch me", she joked as she hardened the ball with her hands.

„Well, catching is out of the question. No save ground for the man with the cane", he joked.

„Hmm..." she looked him up and down, slowly coming closer.

„Then you are an easy target."

She came even closer, smiling impishly at him, throwing the ball back and forth between her hands.

John couldn't help but smile for she looked terribly cute.

„Honey, we have to work", he silently said, reaching out for her hand, but she wouldn't take it, slowly circling him, sometimes pretending to throw the ball.

„I'd love to see your hair all wet and messed up", she grinned. She pretended to throw the ball at his head. He quickly grapped her hand, pulling her body against his. His grip was firm, but his smile naughty. He laid the other arm around her waist, using her as support.

„Drop the ball, Anna" he slowly said, smiling and looking down at her.

She smiled just as naughty snuggling against his warm body.

„Or what, Mr. Bates?" she whispered.

John got goosebumps and it wasn't from the temperature.

„Or I might be forced to put you over my knee to punish the naughty girl."

Through Anna shot a bolt of desire...and a little shock. She looked at him with her mouth open.

He grinned triumphantly.

„Now drop the ball."

She did.

„Good girl", he joked, ready to release her. But as soon as Annas hands were free, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Her lips were cold and wet, still he couldn't help but enjoy it and close his eyes. Only for a second, before he realised that they were standing in the middle of the courtyard. Reluctantly, he stopped kissing but couldn't pull away from her so his lips brushed over hers while he spoke.

„Bad girl."

Anna giggled, running her fingers through his hair.

„I love you", she whispered. How could he be strong when she said those wonderful things?

„Okay. Just one more" he said quickly before he pressed his lips on hers and her body firmly against his. Desire washed over him and he didn't feel the winter chill anymrore. As she moaned agianst his lips he just wanted to throw her down into the snow and make love to her.

_You have to stop...now!_

It broke his heart, but he pulled away from her, needing a second to clear his head. Then he cleared his throat and straightened up, letting go of her completely.

„Are you back to normal now, Miss Smith?"

„If by saying 'normal' you mean totally in love with you, then I am."

„Anna...stop saying that or I'll totally lose it", he said in a low voice, his look intense.

„I definitely want to see that happen", she smiled up at him.

He had to get away from her. His pants were feeling tight. With a little smile he shook his head and took her hand to pull her to the door. Reluctantly, she followed.

„Isn't it beautiful? We should take a walk later. We don't have to go far."

„We'll see. Right now, we need to work. Mrs. Hughes left you some toast in the kitchen."

„She's a lot more understanding than you" she murmured as she walked past him. Just as she was about to enter the building, John grapped her waist and pulled her back against his chest. His lips brushed over her ear while he said:

„The snow is not as beautiful as you are, my darling."

Annas heart beat faster, feeling Johns hand on her waist and his tender lips tickling her ear. She wanted to turn around, but then suddenly they heard footsteps. John grapped Annas arm and pulled it up.

„Careful, Anna", he said as O'Brien entered the hallway, looking at them. John pretended to steady Anna from an almost fall and let her go.

„Thanks, Mr. Bates."

Thank God Annas cheeks were red from outside, so O'Brien couldn't see her blush. That had been pretty close...

„You're finished with behaving like a child, hindering all of us?"

Anna didn't respond, just smiled and walked past her into the kitchen, quickly grabbing her toast. John was just hanging his coat as he felt O'Briens eyes on him. He turned to face her.

„Can I help you with anything, Miss O'Brien?"

She didn't say anything, but her eyes did the talking. She was suspicious. John tried the best to appear at ease and slowly walked past her to climb the stairs. He could feel her stare burn into his neck...


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Next chappi! I really had fun writing this one. *giggle girlishly* Please let me know when you are fed up with reading fluff. I know I never will get tired writing it, so someone please stop me! ^^

~oOOo~

Anna and Bates didn't have a chance to talk privately for the rest of the day. Somehow, Miss O'Brien was everywhere, always staring at them. So they went to bed without saying a proper goodnight. Well, it wasn't proper, strictly speaking. But they both got used to sharing a kiss so quickly that they both missed it when they were lying in bed, thinking about the other.

But the night did past and the next morning came and soon enough, they were sitting side by side at the breakfast table again. Anna thought it would be more suspicious if they weren't talking at all now, so she poured John his tea like she had done so many times before, talked to him and smiled at him. She could tell that John was hesitating to act 'normal', but he overcame his fear and was smiling at her after a little while.

As Mr. Carson ordered everyone to work, Anna and Bates tried to linger around, but so was Mrs. Hughes. Anna could have killed her. She wanted to be in Johns arms so much that she was seriously thinking about doing it in front of her. Should she tell everyone, calling her a slut or worse. Anna didn't care.

But John did, of course. As if he had read her mind, as soon as she had that thought, he left the room and went upstairs. With an inward sigh, Anna followed and got to her daily routine, cursing O'Brien silently while she helped the girls dress.

"I am so excited about my new wardrobe", Lady Edith chatted while Anna helped her into her dress. "It's rosewood and really big. Much nicer than the small thing I have now. Unfortunately, I will be in town with mother the whole day, so could you please make sure that it is put right there?" she said and pointed in the right corner of her room, near the window. "And check for any scratches. I don't pay for damaged goods."

Anna smiled about that, for of course she didn't pay at all for this.

"Of course, m'lady."

"Thank you, Anna. I can manage the rest by myself."

"As you wish" she responded and went to Lady Sybils room to help her to dress.

John just entered Lord Grantham's dressing room and wished him a good morning.

"Good Morning, Mr. Bates", his employer answered without looking up. He was looking at a piece of paper, then shook his head, holding it out to him.

"My daughter ordered a ridiculously expensive wardrobe. We're at war and she throws the money out of the window."

John looked at the price and made a noise of shock.

"Exactly", Robert answered angrily, grabbing the cufflinks he would wear today. John laid the invoice on the table and took the golden cufflinks from Lord Grantham. With a smirk he said:  
>"Soon enough you have to sell the cufflinks to afford three daughters."<p>

Lord Grantham couldn't help but chuckle. He knew that John didn't mean it disrespectful.

"Believe me, Bates, three daughters can be a plague. Always wanting new clothes, always needing to dress with the latest fashion", he sighed.

"But you love them just as they are, my Lord."

Robert sighed again.

"I do. Very much, indeed. I often remember when they were little. Mary, dressing in her mother's clothes, proudly looking up to me and asking if she was pretty…" he chuckled. "Edith was always afraid to play outside. She hated dirt of any sort, always pulling her skirt up to her knees when she walked through the grass. Cora had some trouble to teach her that pulling up the skirt wasn't appropriate behavior."

John smiled at Lord Grantham before he grabbed his jacket to hold it out for him.

"Sybil was the total opposite. She loved being outside, playing hide and seek with her nanny. We called her our little monkey…"

"I remember you calling her that", John said, thinking of a dark evening at war when John and Robert got to know each other better.

"Oh yes, sure" Robert remembered, too, and smiled.

John was checking if everything was in order with his Lord's appearance.

"You ever thought about having children, Bates?"

John instantly thought of Anna.

"Sure I have, my Lord. It just wasn't the right time…or the right woman."

"I see. Well, you can be happy that you don't have children with her."

"I am, my Lord."

Robert patted him on the shoulder and smiled at him before he left. Just as he reached the door he turned around again.

"Would you mind to oversee the delivery of the wardrobe? If we're lucky it's damaged and we can return it."

"Would you like me to make a scratch with my cane in it, Sir?"

Robert chuckled.

"Just if no one is looking, Bates" he joked and left with a friendly nod.

Bates chuckled and was amazed once more how easy it was to talk to His Lordship. He was really glad that they still were some kind of friends even though he worked for him now.

The wardrobe in question was delivered around noon and John showed the delivery men the way to Lady Edith's room. He was surprised to find Anna standing at the open door. He couldn't help but smile, his heart beating a little faster when she smiled back.

"Lady Edith asked me to oversee the delivery."

"And His Lordship asked me to do it."

Anna smiled.

"What a wonderful coincidence."

"Absolutely."

"Coming through!" one of the four delivery men suddenly shouted and the two servants turned their heads. The men had a hard time carrying the gigantic wardrobe and it didn't seem that they could stop that easily. Thinking quickly, John grabbed Anna's hand and pushed her in a little niche in the hallway, immediately following her just in time before everything went dark around them, the big wardrobe blocking the way. The men were shouting at each other as they almost dropped the heavy thing, but neither Anna nor Bates heard them anymore.

Overwhelmed by their sudden closeness, Anna's heart stopped beating. John was pressing her with a vase in her back against the wall. They had full body contact. Her hands had automatically laid on his chest and she could feel his heart beating fast. She smelled his clean scent, felt his body heat wrap around her. Anna blushed as she felt something unfamiliar brush her belly. Then she felt Johns breath on her face and she looked up, closing her eyes. Their heads were only inches apart, his nose touched her forehead while his lips brushed her cheek.

Everything around Anna vanished into the background, all she could feel or hear was her John. She clung to him, longing for his kiss. His hand was suddenly on her waist again, pulling her even closer to him, if that was possible. Slowly, he let his lips wander over her soft skin, taking in her scent. But he didn't dare to kiss her, which was a wise decision, then from one second to another the wardrobe moved and the daylight brought them back to reality.

Anna was all dizzy when John let go of her, stepping back. She almost fell so confused she almost fell. John steadied her with one hand, smiling that lovely crooked smile at her.

"Are you alright?"

All she could do was nod. John turned to face the hard working men who were trying to get the wardrobe through the doors into the room. Anna took a deep breath to clear her head, Johns scent still all around her. Clearing her throat, she stepped into Lady Edith's room after the men and told them where to put the wardrobe. John checked for any scratches but everything seemed fine.

"Thank you very much. Please see our cook Mrs. Patmore downstairs. She will offer you some cold beverages."

The men nodded and walked back down while Anna and Bates stayed behind. Bates left the door ajar and turned around to Anna. He wanted to say something, but Anna rushed forward, pressing her lips on his passionately. She threw herself at him, really, and John stumbled against the ajar door, closing it with his body. He needed a second to take in the situation. Annas body clung to him, her arms were around his shoulders, her fingers in his hair. She opened her lips, brushing over his with the tip of her tongue, demanding entry. John couldn't help but moan as he opened his mouth to greet her tongue with his own, finally wrapping his arms around her waist, holding her close. They got lost for one moment, drowning in their desire for each other.

Bates felt her hot breasts against his chest and her belly rubbing against his most sensitive spot. He could feel how it stiffened and he panicked. With some effort, he pushed Anna gently away.

"Stop it, Anna. This is neither the time nor the place."

She made a noise of frustration and John thought this so adorable that all he wanted to do was to grab her again. But he mustn't, he scolded himself.

"You started it", Anna complained, her voice all husky.

"I wanted to save you from being crushed by a wardrobe", he protested weakly, not able to take his eyes off her blushed face and her swollen lips. They had never kissed so passionately and John had a hard time fighting down his arousal.

Anna took another deep breath.

"I'm sorry, John. I was kind of overwhelmed…by you", she admitted, blushing even more. With a chuckle he pushed away from the door, moving over to her.

"I'm sorry. I admit I quite enjoyed pressing you against the wall."

A shiver ran up and down her spine and she bit her lip to stop herself from begging him to do it again.

John took her hand in his, gently rubbing the skin with his thumb.

"Are you ready to go down?" he asked in a low voice.

She looked up at him and smiled as she saw his messed up hair.

"I am, but you need some adjustments."

Tiptoeing, she reached up and around his head to straighten his hair in the back. They got close again and John closed his eyes.

_Must not kiss that beautiful woman…Must not kiss…_

"There you go", Anna whispered after she was done, her breath brushing against his lips. Every part of his body screamed to touch her. Leaning back was one of the hardest things he ever had to do.

"Thanks", he said hoarsely, quickly clearing his throat. "We better get back to work then."

With that, he opened the door and let Anna exit the room before he did it himself. After closing the door, they shared an insecure smile and walked away in different directions. Needless to say that the rest of the day was not easy to endure. Both of them had trouble to focus on their work, fighting against the overwhelming need to be with the other. But somehow, they managed to stay away from each other. John didn't even make it to dinner and Anna had to admit she was relieved. Of course she desired him all the time, but the incident today had been too much for her to handle. If John hadn't been strong enough to resist, they would have done something very stupid.

Anna didn't want her first time with John, her first time ever, to happen in another person's bed. She wanted it to happen in their own bed, in their own home. But would ever be happening? What if his wife never showed up? Or she wouldn't agree to the divorce?

These were the thoughts that repeated themselves over and over again in Annas head for the rest of the day and which hunted her in her dreams.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: You ordered some fluff? Just kidding. It's not that 'bad' this time. Hope you still like it and leave me a short comment. It will be very much appreciated. :)

~oOOo~

Again, the very next day. At breakfast, both Anna and John had calmed down. Well, Anna did. John had been hunted with erotic dreams the whole night, which didn't make it any easier to sit next to her, her arm brushing against his from time to time.

„Is everything alright, Mr. Bates? You are awfully quiet this morning" Ethel asked in her direct way, looking him straight into his eyes, demanding an answer.

„Thanks for asking. I just didn't sleep very well last night, that's all?"

„Is your leg bothering you?" Anna asked worriedly.

„No, no. It's fine. Just couldn't sleep."

John didn't like all the attention at the breakfrast table, so he smiled and drank his tea, hoping that would be the end of it.

„Well, I have some trouble sleeping here, too. The bed is really small and uncomfortable", Ethel complained and John was grateful for turning the attention away from him.

„If you're not satisfied with your accomodation you should talk to His Lordship about it, demanding another room. Maybe one with a view" O'Brien said sarcastically.

Ethel shot her a dark look but didn't say more. It fell silent again and Bates ignored the worried look Anna gave him.

~oOOo~

The day turned out to be quite busy and John was glad when he finally was alone in his room in the evening. He crushed down on his bed, taking a deep breath. He closed his eyes...and istantly opened them again as he saw the pictures of him and Anna in his dreams from last night. How should he be able to sleep tonight?

Damn, it had been a really bad idea to get that close to Anna, pressing himself against her...

He sighed as his body reacted to the memory of yesterday's events and slowly shook his head. It had been hard enough to be close to her knowing that she loved him as much as he did. But now that he knew he was able to arouse her by caressing her body...that was too much. It was amazing and scary at the same time. Sometimes it felt so unreal that she wanted him. Even when he held Anna in his arms and kissed her, he sometimes wondered if this was all a dream and any second he would wake up in his old flat in London, next to Vera who would ruin his day just by looking at him all spiteful.

John still had the feeling that he didn't deserve Anna. Maybe he never would after all the things he had done wrong in his life...

He chuckled as he suddenly heard Annas voice in his head, scolding him for hating himself. It was amazing how she could soothe him, take his pain away with a word or even with a gentle smile on her tender lips...

Gosh, he would always love her, he realized. Even if things wouldn't work out and Anna came to her senses, she would always be in his heart for the rest of his life. She had showered him with her affections so much that it would last a lifetime. No one could take away from him what they had shared. Not even Vera...

He pulled of his tie and started to unbotton his shirt as he heard a gentle knock on the door. As he opened it, that lovely smile that always accelerated his heartbeat greeted him. Before he could say anything, she scurried into the room. John needed a second to calm down. She in his room...the dreams washed over him again. He took a deep breath before he turned around to face her.

„The cream finally arrived" Anna said happily, putting the pot in her hands on the table.

„Now it will all be better, soon. I'm so sorry it didn't come earlier."

„My leg is still fine, Anna."

„Maybe, but I know it can be even better."

She turned around and saw his appearance, tie gone and his shirt unbottoned down to his chest. She blushed as she saw a little of his chesthair.

John followed her gaze and wanted to button his shirt again, but Anna stopped him.

„Don't."

He looked at her. She was smiling shyly.

„I like it like this."

Her low voice sent shivers down his spine. An awkward silence was hovering in the room. Anna snapped out of it first.

„So, do you wanna start the treatment, Mr. Bates?" she asked smiling and patted the chair next to the table.

„Anna. I really appreciate you want to continue this, but given the things that happened between us lately, I don't think it's wise of you to come here."

„Why not?"

She looked at him with her open eyes, pure innocence shining in them. God bless her for that.

He walked towards her, leaning heavily on his cane.

„Anna...after all, I'm just a man."

It took a second for her to understand the meaning of this. When she did, she blushed again, averting her eyes. Her heart beat fast and she felt butterflies dancing in her stomach.

„Does this mean...you don't want me to come here anymore?"

It broke his heart to hear the hurt in her voice. He walked the rest of the distance between them and took her hand in his, gently stroking her skin with his thumb.

„It's not about what I want...it's what about is best for us...for you."

She looked down at their joined hands.

„I am best when I am with you, John."

She looked up at him and his heart tightened. God help him! He didn't deserve this sweet angel.

„Me, too, my love...But I am not strong enough, Anna."

She couldn't help but grin at that. He was flustered.

„So I have you wrapped around my finger, then?"

Her smile couldn't be described other than impishly. John couldn't help but smile and he shook his head to her boldness.

„When I'm near you, I can't think straight anymore", he confessed.

Anna beamed at him. All confident by his confession, she stepped a little closer.

„And when I do this?" she whispered and laid her hand on his chest, letting her fingertips brush over his bare skin. While he closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the sensation, Anna looked at her fingers running through the little black hairs which curled on his chest. It felt amazing. His skin was so warm and soft. She had a dreamy look on her face while she continued to explore his skin.

John's body was covered with goosebumps. Anna's gentle fingers sent longing and desire through his body straight to his loins.

„Anna..." he managed to exclaim but unable to stop her hand.

She leaned in to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. She rested her cheek on his chest, touching his bare skin, closing her eyes.

Before John knew what he was doing, he wrapped his arms around her back. Closing his eyes, he put his nose in her hair, taking in her wonderful scent.

This really shouldn't feel so natural, he thought. Although they weren't married, Anna and him shared an intimaticy he had never felt before. He couldn't help but to compare this to the relationship Vera and him had shared. In all those year he had never felt so close to her like he felt to Anna. How was that possible?

„I love you", he whispered in her hair.

„I love you, too."

„Unbelievable."

Anna moved her head until her chin rested on his chest and looked up at him.

„What?"

„That someone so wonderful could ever love a man like me."

She shook her head disapprovingly and dared to kiss his bare skin.

„Stop thinking so low of yourself. It upsets me."

John could hardly hear her. Her innocent kiss made him aware again of their closeness. With a kiss on her hair he let go of her quickly. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, so he took her hand and kissed it.

„The least I want is to upset you."

„Then let me massage you."

„Anna..."

„No, listen" she interrupted him.

„I promise I'll be professional. I just want to help you, John. Your leg got so much better. I am sure that if we continue, we will be able to ease the pain even more. Maybe you will be completely free from pain one day."

She looked so hopeful, so passionate. He raised his hand and stroke her cheek lovingly. She leaned into his touch, cupping his hand with her own.

„Please let me help you. I promise to be good."

John smiled.

„How will I ever be able to say no to you?"

„Never. You're wrapped around my finger, remember?"

He chuckled.

„Indeed I am."

So he sat down and watched Anna kneeling down in front of him, the little white pot in her hand.

„Uh, I totally forgot the smell" she said, laughing.

„Back to being a koala bear" John joked.

„The cutest of them all" she replied and grinned at him.

As John watched Anna rolling up his trouser leg, he prayed to God that he would be able to manage to keep his thoughts pure...


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Hi again. Watched the final episode of season 2. Gosh, the hearing was so hard to watch. How he called out to Anna...totally cried. So to cheer us all up, here is a little something. I know it's not great. Next chappi will be more fluffy, I promise. Hope you still enjoy it. ;)

~oOOo~

One week. One week, in which Bates and Anna totally behaved, had passed. They were polite and funny with each other, but were very cautious not to get too close...

Anna was bored to the core. Touching and massaging his leg in the evenings just wasn't enough anymore. John had even refused to kiss her goodnight. That was just inacceptable. She missed his warmth and tenderness, his soft lips, his velvet tongue and his hot breath on her cheek.

So tonight, Anna decided to take action.

With a soft knock on the door she let him know she had arrived. It didn't take long for John to open the door, still fully dressed except for his jacket. He let her in with a warm smile and Anna ignored the jump of her heart.

„Good evening", she greeted him after he had closed to door.

„Good evening", John replied friendly and walked to the chair by the small desk.

Even after all those weeks without massaging, routine had kicked in instantly and Anna prepared the things for the treatment while John took a seat. She kneeled in front of him and slowly rolled up his trouser leg.

„How is your leg?"

„It's quite alright, thank you. The pain is located in the knee now. My calf is totally free from pain, thanks to your wonderful care."

She smiled up at him.

„I still will massage it so the muscles can relax. I can still feel the spasms right here and here" Anna said, rubbing the firm skin where the spasms were.

„As you wish, dear."

Her eyes fluttered towards him, but she quickly lowered them again. He hadn't called her anything like this in the past days, always on his guard. He must be tired, she thought. That made her plan much easier, she smiled inwardly.

She started her treatment dutifully, massaging his calf for a long time. After they had spent some time in silence, she decided that it was time:

„John?"

„Hm?"

„Are you dreaming about me sometimes?"

She didn't look up but she could feel how is leg stiffened.

„Why are you asking?"

„Just out of curiosity."

She waited for him to answer, but he didn't, so she looked up at him. He looked out of the window, pretending to see something interesting in the darkness.

„So?"

John tightened his jaw before he looked down at her. She could see the light of the candle on his nightstand glow in his dark eyes.

„Of course I have dreamed about you, Anna." His voice was low and sent shivers down her spine.

With a smile she looked down again, concentrating on her work. After a few seconds in which John thought she wouldn't ask further questions, she suddenly said:

„Were any of those dreams...erotic?"

Anna could hear John taking in a breath. Innocently, Anna moved her fingers upwards until they slipped under his rolled up pants, gently massaging his inner thigh. He jumped a little and Anna looked up.  
>„Did I hurt you, John?" she asked, trying to keep a straight face. It really was too easy, wasn't it?<p>

„No, sorry. You just surprised me."

„By my touch or my question?"

Of course she wouldn't give him a chance to escape an answer again.

„Both", he admitted reluctantly. Still, he wouldn't look at her. Now he was pretending to watch her fingers. And he fell silent again. Anna had to change tactics.

„You probably wonder why I ask this."

„Indeed I do."

„Well, I asked because...for several times now...I had erotic dreams about you."

John swallowed hard. But he remained quiet and Anna understood that she had to tease more.

„I have to admit I am very confused by those dreams. I have never experienced those kind of things in real life, yet everything felt so intense...so real..."

She didn't need to look up to know how uncomfortable John was. His hands were clutched around his arm rests and his knuckles were all white.

„I wonder if it really feels like that...every inch of my skin tingling with excitement and desire, our bodies all sweaty and hot...your weight on top of me..."

Did she hear a little moan coming from him? She let her fingers wander under his pants again.

„And what confuses me even more is all the stuff we did. I mean, of course I know how it's supposed to work...but all the things you did to me...and all the things I did to you..."

„God, Anna!" John exclaimed desperately and grabbed her hands. She looked up at him. He had bent down, his eyes firmly closed. His voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper.

„I swear if you don't stop it, I'll throw you onto the bed and make love to you right now, bad leg or not."

Anna quivered in excitement. Her mind pictured him doing it and she felt a sudden warmth between her legs. God, how she wanted him to do it. She wanted to be his in every possible way. But she knew he would hate himself afterwards, regardless of the pleasure they would take out of it.

Anna had gone too far and she knew it. But she couldn't help it. She wanted him. He wanted to be good, but to hell with being good! They should be allowed at least a little fun in their unfortunate situation.

„But John, who else am I supposed to talk to about this? O'Brien?"

John couldn't help but laugh at this absurdity. He opened his eyes and looked down at her, his hands still on top of hers.

„If you do, please tell me so I can listen in."

She laughed at this, gently sliding his fingers between his. Their fingers intertwined, she looked up at him. Their eyes locked and before she knew what she was doing she raised on her knees and kissed him. As she felt his tongue in her mouth, a little moan escaped her. That's when John snapped. He laid his arms around her and before she knew, she was sitting on his lap, her upper body pressed against his. With another moan, Anna warpped her arms around his neck and let herself fall into the kiss, taking all the pleasure she could out of it.

Anna didn't know for how long they kissed, but when they stopped, her lips where swollen and she was wrapped in his body heat. Both of them were breathing hard as they looked into each others eyes.

„God, I missed that", Anna said, running her hands through his hair.

„Me too."

He closed his eyes and Anna had a hard time not to kiss him again. Gosh, he looked so attractive with his swollen lips which were slightly apart. His breath was on her neck and his hand was grabbing her waist.

„I want you, John", Anna whispered hoarsley. Well, she didn't kiss him. But for John, this was even worse. He wanted to cry. How could he resist that beautiful tease on his lap? He didn't want to, but he had to.

„Please don't say those things to me, Anna. It drives me crazy."

„Well, you're driving me crazy by behaving like you don't want me."

„Of course I want you, love."

Her heart fluttered by his tone.

„Then don't push me away."

„Does this look like I am?" he tried to be funny.

She smiled and played with his hair.

„No, not right now. But just because I seduced you."

He laughed.

„So you didn't have erotic dreams about me?"

Anna felt her cheeks getting hot.

„Well..."

Desire rushed through Johns body again and he had a hard time to not let his hands wander under her skirt.

„Naughty Anna" he couldn't resist to whisper. Her giggle made it even harder to resist her. He felt her weight on his lap, her warmth around him and the way she played with her fingers in his hair sent shivers down his spine.

He closed his eyes and let his forehead rest against hers.

„Listen, love. I know it's hard to resist giving into your desire. Believe me, it's just as hard for me. But Mrs. Hughes is trusting us to behave properly. And it's not right to misuse this trust."

Anna sighed.

„Don't you agree?"

They looked at each other, then she sighed again and leaned back.

„You're right, I guess."

John saw the look on her face.

„What?"

„Well..." she nestled with the button on his chemise, „I agree that what happened in Lady Edith's room went too far, but...can't we have at least a little fun?" she grinned at him.

Johns heart beat faster.

„What do you mean?"

Anna looked straight into his eyes and laid a hand on his cheek.

„I waited years to be this close to you, John. Years, in which I dreamed about how your skin feels...how you would kiss me...I don't want to get back to acting like we don't know what we feel for each other. You love me and I love you. I want to be close to you, emotionally and physically. Please don't take that away from me."

Without answering, he looked into her eyes before he kissed her. Anna thought his eyes were wet, but she wasn't sure. His kiss was soft and tender, full of love and adoration.

„I don't want to go back, either. Not being close to you means not to feel alive."

„Oh John", she whispered before she kissed him again.

After a while, when desire started to mix with the love again, they stopped the kiss and took a deep breath.

„This is going to be difficult..." John whispered, smiling.

„I know. But I like a challenge" Anna replied.

John laughed and let go of her waist. He looked at his pocket watch.

„It's getting late."

Anna sighed theatrically and stood up.

„You always have to ruin the mood, don't you?"

„That's what I do best" he joked and also stood up.

Anna grinned as she came closer and started playing with one button of his chemise again.

„I seriously hope that there is one thing you can do better than that."

John swallowed hard.

_ . .that..._

Smiling, he grabbed her waist and gently pushed her towards the door.

„Don't push your luck, you little minx."

Anna giggled and her look fell on his leg.

„Oh! I didn't finish your leg."

„Believe me, it will not relax tonight, no matter how long you will massage it."

„Are you still talking about your leg, John?"

The way he looked at her right now was priceless.

„Good lord, woman. Where do you pick this stuff up?"

She giggled.

„Ethel."

John shook his head and before Anna could tease him even more, he silently opened the door and checked the hallway. The air was clear, so he nodded in her direction. They whispered their goodnights and Anna stole another kiss from his lips before she hurried out of his room. He shook his head once more, but smiled before closing the door.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Here we go again. This is a really loong chappi. 9 pages! Hope you don't fall asleep while reading it. ;) Although it's hard to stay off the fluff (like I'm kind of an addict, lol), I try to push the story forward in the next chapter. We still have to get rid of that witch, don't we? ;)

~oOOo~

So, war had finally reached Downton Abbey. Lady Sybill had become a nurse and the house was now a place where officers could recover from their injuries. This showed once more how good-hearted Lord and Lady Grantham really were. Anna was nothing but proud to work for them and she did her best to help, even though she could only help by cleaning. As soon as she could be a part of this, Anna was happy. Of course it was not easy for the Crawleys to adjust to the new situation. Lord Grantham had the most problems, so it seemed. At least that' what John told her after hinted about a conversation they had a couple of days ago.

„You're late, Bates", Lord Grantham greeted the valet impatiently.

„I'm sorry, M'lord."

John could see that his Lordship was unnerved. While he was dressing him, he cautiously asked:

„Is everything alright, M'lord?"

„Yes, yes, of course. Would you hurry? I want to have the living room at least five minutes to myself before the stupid table-tennis begins."

„Do you regret to have agreed to this?" John asked in a calm and serious voice, which made Lord Grantham look up. He knew this tone of his old comrade. It had a weird power over him. Every time Bates uses it, it calms him down. He had this voice used more than once on him when they had been in Africa.

„No, of course not. This way, at least I have the tiny feeling that I am of any help."

John nodded understandingly and before he could stop himself, Lord Grantham exclaimed.

„I hate it to be useless, to be considered an old man who can't hold a gun anymore."

John helped his Lordship to get into his jacket.

„I know what you mean, Sir."

Robert looked through the mirror at his valet, and for a second the first signs of age vanished from his face and he saw the young Bates in the polished glass, with a sparkle in his eyes instead of hurt, frustration and self-hatred.

„Do you think it ungrateful of me to wish to be at the front, Mr. Bates?"

John looked up and he, too, saw a younger version of his commanding officer. His friend.

„Of course not, M'lord."

Their eyes locked.

„It has been hell", Robert said, memories of fallen bodies – no, comrads – flashed before his eyes. He could even hear the gunfire and the screams, smell the gunpowder and the blood.

„Yes, Sir."

Robert knew that memories hunted him as well.

„Then why do I want to go back?"

For a second, they just looked at each other, than John looked down and reached for the brush.

„As you said, you want to feel useful. You believe it is your duty to fight and you think that you could make a difference on the battlefield."

„But I couldn't."

John Bates was the only one Robert could talk about these things to. He had been to war with him, saw and knew what he did. John looked at him again.

„No, Sir, you couldn't. A war is not won by one person. It's not won at all, I believe."

By those words, another picture came into Roberts memory. It was after a day of battle. Night had fallen upon the land, but it was a full moon and he could see just fine. Saw the battlefield, what once had been an open field, had now become a cemetery, where the bodies still needed to be buried. He couldn't help but close his eyes for a second to get this horrible picture out of his head.

„I guess you're right, Bates. Of course, you are. We have seen it."

In silence, John finished dressing his employer. When he was standing in front of him, adjusting his bow tie, he could feel Roberts look on him. As he looked up he could see something in his eyes that made his heart tighten. He had seen it before and didn't want to go through this again.

„Don't, Sir", he simply said and turned away.

Robert watched Bates putting away the brush and folding his night clothes. He had thanked John Bates many years ago for saving his life. He had told him not to worry about it, but Robert always felt the guilt welling up in him when he looked at his friends cane. He probably hated it just as much as John did. It was a constant reminder of the debt that Robert could never clear. He had offered him money, he remembered. But Bates wouldn't take it, no matter what he had said. It was good that he could finally repay him, at least a little, by giving him a job.

„I'm glad you're here, Bates", Robert blurted out before he could stop himself. John stopped in the middle of his work. Although both of them were close at heart, they didn't say it very often. It both made them feel uncomfortable, mostly John.

„So am I, M'lord", John replied without turning. Robert smiled. Bates had never been good with this emotional stuff, he thought.

„I have business in town today, so could you please tell Mr. Branson to have the car ready at eleven?" Robert asked. With that, he changed this sensitive topic and didn't speak of it again for a long time.

~oOOo~

Later that day, Anna was kneeling on the floor, dusting the electrical outlet in the living room. Suddenly, she heard a giggle and the second door in the big room opened.

"Be quiet" she heard a man's voice and carefully looked up from her position behind the sofa.

It was Ethel and that officer who she had been talking about for several days now. While she still was giggling, he gently pressed her against the wall by the door and started to kiss her neck. Anna had trouble to stay calm. How could Ethel be so stupid? You just have to look this man in his eyes to know that he is up to nothing but flirtation and mischief.

"Don't, Charles. I have to work", Ethel protested weakly and put her arms around him at the same time.

"You have to work all the time. When can I see you alone? Really alone?" he whispered hoarsely and pressed her against his body. Anna felt sick.

"Why would you want to see me alone, Sir?" Ethel asked playfully.

The man grinned and pinned her against the wall again.

"Because I want to rip this hideous uniform off your body and check where else you might have red hair."

Anna gasped. How dared he speak to her like this?

He let his hand wander down on her butt, massaging it firmly.

"After this is done, I will caress your most secret place with my tongue until you scream my name."

Anna wanted to cover her ears with her hands. This was disgusting.

Ethel giggled again and they were about to kiss, as they suddenly heard Mrs. Hughes calling for her. They instantly broke apart, Mrs. Hughes came into the room and commanded Ethel back to work. With a last angry look at the officer, she left. The man followed a few seconds later.

Anna let out a breath. No one had seen her. With a shudder, she got back to work, trying to get the images out of her head that the impudent man had created with his words.

At dinner, Anna couldn't even look at Ethel. Or anyone else. She was still shaken by those open-hearted words. She had never heard anyone say such things. She was appalled, of course, but there was another feeling that wouldn't vanish. She felt a certain warmth in her lower regions that made it hard to focus. At first, she had seen Ethel and the officer do those things, but soon it was herself and John who were fooling around in his bed. So she didn't look up while eating dinner and barely spoke to someone. Every time John spoke, she felt his hands on her skin and his hot breath on her neck, heard him moan after he rolled on top of her…

Anna felt very ashamed of herself. As soon as dinner was over and everyone went upstairs, she caught John at the top of the stairs. The others had already gone through the door.

"Mr. Bates?" she asked. It felt so wrong to use his last name, but of course it was safer this way.

"Yes, Anna?" John turned around, smiling at her and more desire rushed through her body. She better made this quick or before she lunged at him.

"Would you mind if I don't come over tonight?"

"Is everything alright? I noticed that you were awfully quite at the table."

"Yes, I am fine. I'm just so tired…"

She hated to lie, especially to him. But what else could she say? That she wanted him so much that the thought of him and her alone in his chamber made her body tingle with lust? That she didn't trust her fingers to stay on his calves? That right now she even wouldn't mind if he took her right here, at the top of the stairs?

Sure, she could tell him that. But that would probably be the last words she spoke to him before he fled from her, taking his love with him.

"Look at me" John ordered. She almost didn't. But she knew she had to reassure him that everything was fine or he would worry for her the whole night. Pleading to god that her eyes wouldn't give her away, she looked up from her hands. His look was worried and he leaned in a little.

"You would tell me if something was wrong, right?"

"Of course. I'm tired, that's all."

Gosh, she could smell him now. She wanted to bury her nose into his shirt.

He searched in her eyes for a sign of worry, fear, maybe even regret. Annas heart was beating fast. Then, he smiled again and let it go.

"I guess we have to say goodbye now, then."

"I guess."

His eyes lowered to her lips. Yes, she wanted to kiss him. Of course she did. But she was too afraid to lose her mind.

"Goodnight, Mr. Bates" she said and made clear that they would stay formal tonight.

"Goodnight, Anna."

To reassure him that everything was fine, she smiled at him. He didn't buy it, but he turned and left anyway.

Sleep came and washed Annas cares away. There were no dreams to hunt her – which she was very thankful for - and so her head could clear. Now she was able to separate the scene she had watched yesterday and the disgust she had felt from the desire she felt for John. Lust was a natural thing and there was nothing dirty about desiring a man who had confessed his love for her, she told herself. Yes, he was a married man, but she knew his heart belonged to her. She felt it every time he looked at her, touched her or kissed her. There was nothing dirty between them. Only love. And isn't desire a part of love? And a wonderful one as well, as far as she could tell.

With high spirits she went down for breakfast, sat next to her man and smiled warmly had him. She saw the dark circle under his eyes and scolded him as soon as there was an opportunity which presented itself as Mr. Carson loudly complained that the paper had been delivered wet again.

"I told you not to worry about me."

He smiled at her.

"What tells you I was worrying?"

"The big grey craters under your eyes tell me."

He chuckled.

"I am glad that you feel better today", he said and even dared to take her hand under the table.

"I do. But will you be fit enough for the treatment tonight? Or will you fall asleep under my touch?"

His thumb caressed the skin on her hand and Anna could feel how relieved he was that everything was fine again.

"I'll do my best not to."

And with a little lower voice he whispered:

"I really long to see you tonight."

Goosebumps spread on Annas back and she smiled.

"Well, if there is longing involved, I really should come, shouldn't I?"

John smiled that crooked smile that made her heart jump and he lovingly squeezed her hand. Mr. Carson sat down, the argument was over, so Annas and Johns private conversation had to stop, too.

The day rushed by and before she knew, Annas was standing in Johns room again. He silently closed the door and Anna was about to walk over to the desk, but then Johns arms laid around her waist and pulled her against his chest. He held her tight while he buried his nose in her neck, inhaling deeply.

Anna closed her eyes and leaned into his embrace.

"I missed you so much yesterday night. It is unbelievable how much it pains me to be separated from you, even if it's just one night."

Johns confession warmed her heart and she laid a hand on his cheek.

"I missed you, too."

"I love you."

Those three simple words were the most beautiful thing that John could ever say to her.

"I love you, too, John."

She turned around in his arms and looked into his dark, expressive eyes.

"You doubted my feelings for you again, didn't you?"

He smiled and the little crinkles at the corners of his eyes made his face look softer.

"Just for one second. I swear. Then I thought that you had worries and didn't feel like you could talk to me. You know you can talk to me, don't you? About anything."

She watched her hand sliding over the warm skin of his cheek over and over again. She could touch him forever, everywhere. She grinned as a thought crossed her mind.

"Well, if I remember correctly, I am not allowed to talk about certain topics. You know, the ones that make you want to throw me on a bed and make love to me."

He chuckled and pulled her even closer. His hands slowly slid up and down her back.

"The prohibition of these topics is just out of self-defense, my love. You don't want me to get a heart attack, do you? I am not the youngest fellow, as you might remember."

Anna chuckled. How she loved their little playful verbal exchanges.

"Of course I don't want you to die. But I wouldn't mind to be thrown on a bed…"

She didn't need to finish the sentence to make him kiss her. Tenderly and savouring. When the need for air became urgent, they separated. Their forehead rested against each other and Anna and John enjoyed being close again.

"Well", John said, his voice husky, "after we established this, don't you want to tell me what was going on yesterday?"

He took her by the hand and Anna was surprised to be lead to his bed. They sat down, John still holding her hand. Anna felt bad that John obviously thought that something terrible must have happened. And she felt bad that the fact that they were sitting on his bed made her feel warm...

"Nothing was going on. I just..." she let out a sigh. That was really uncomfortable. She thought she was confident about it now, but admitting this to John wasn't easy somehow. He always had thought her to be pure. She didn't want to ruin this picture.

"What is wrong?"

"It's really embarrassing. Yesterday I was cleaning in the living room and then Ethel and that officer came in..." she looked at him questioningly.

"I know. She is all over him."

"Without a doubt. They were kissing and hugging and...well..."

John looked at her and squeezed her hand supportingly. Anna sighed again. She just should get out with it:

"He told her that he wants to see if she was a redhead everywhere and that he wanted to caress her most intimate part with his tongue until she screamed."

There it was. Anna looked down. John needed a second to let it sink in.

"Well, now we know for a fact that he is no gentleman at all. I'm sorry that you had to hear this."

Gosh, she hated herself. John thought that she had been appalled and shocked by this. Well, she had been of course, but...

"That's not everything."

"Did he say more?"

"No."

Anna averted her eyes. Her cheeks turned red and her heart beat faster.

"Of course I was shocked to hear those barefaced words, but what really upset me was that...I can't tell you. You will despise me."

John laid a finger under her chin and lifted her head so that she had to look at him. His look was serious.

"I could never despise you, Anna. I love you."

But would he still love her when he heard what those words did to her?

"Just get out with it. A problem shared is a problem halved."

He smiled at her, but she looked away again. She realised he wouldn't let it go. And a part of her wanted to talk to him about it, if she was honest. He was older and a lot more experienced than her. Maybe if he told her that she wasn't a slut or worse, she wouldn't feel bad about it anymore.

"Well, then. After I heard those words, I couldn't stop picturing it. Not Ethel and him of course...but you and me."

Her face was hot. She must look like a tomato, she thought to herself.

"I wanted you to do it to me, John. I wanted you so much I didn't dare to be alone with you. Gosh, how awful that sounds. I am a slut!"

She buried her face in her hands and wished that she hadn't confessed it. But just for one second, before she heard John chuckle. Totally surprised, she looked up.

"You find this funny?!"

"A little."

He looked at her with a boyish grin on his face.

"I thought you had erotic dreams about me all the time?" he joked.

"Not all the time" she weakly protested and he chuckled again. As he saw how upset Anna was, he gently raised her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"My love, I forbid you to call yourself anything but a lady. I told you once that you were the finest lady to me. Do you remember?"

How could she not remember this day, where she had poured her heart out and with that changed their lives forever? She nodded.

"I still think of you this way, even though you tried to seduce me so many times."

She looked at him shocked, but he grinned at her teasingly.

"You have every right to feel desire, love. I thought you knew that. It's part of who you are. There is nothing to be ashamed of. And I have to admit, the fact that someone as lovely and beautiful as you desires me, is very very wonderful to me."

Anna smiled at that and at once she felt relief wash away the shame.

"So you don't think low of me now that you know my dirty thoughts?"

He chuckled.

"Love, you have no idea what dirty thoughts are. If you would be in my head, you would call _me_ a slut."

Anna laughed.

"Or just a man. Men are only thinking about one thing. That's what my grandmother told me."

"And she is absolutely right."

They laughed again. John was so light-hearted that Annas troubles turned out to be nothing, that he couldn't stop himself from teasing the lady of his heart a little more:

"In fact, right now all I can think about is the fastest way to open the buttons of your dress."

Anna grinned, happy again, and laid her arms around Johns neck.

"Did you work out a plan, yet?"

Without hesitating, his arms where around her waist, pulling her close to him. His fingers moved upwards to her neck, gliding under her dress, fumbling with the first button. A shiver ran down her spine and she forgot everything. John was all she could see, feel, smell and think about. Anna allowed herself to close her eyes and enjoy his finger on her neck and his breath on her cheek for a moment.

"Hmm...they are quite tricky. I guess there is no way of opening them fast without ripping the fabric apart..."

John whispered in her ears while pretending to look at the button.

"Would you do it?" she asked just as quietly, laying a hand on his chest.

"What?" he asked.

"Tear my clothes apart to undress me faster?"

They looked into each others eyes, then looked down at the lips of the one another.

"No, I would not. At least not the first time."

"What would you do?"

John grinned again.

"Do you want me to say it out loud?"

Anna smiled impishly.

"Yes. Talk dirty to me."

They both chuckled.

"You really think you can handle it? What if you want to lunge at me again? We already are alone on my bed, in case you didn't notice."

"Oh, I noticed."

John thought about it for a second. Being close to her, here on his bed, definetly had an effect on him. Should he really dare to go further? They had just agreed to behave a couple of days ago. Should he break his own set up rules? The thinker in him didn't like it, but the man in him wanted this to go on. He wanted to dream a little about their first time, wanted to share his thoughts with the woman he loved. John was in the mood to play.

"Well, you better brace yourself, then. I just have to warn you: I never did this before...talking dirty to a woman."

"So you just talk dirty to men? Should I be worried about this?"

John grinned. To punish her, he opened the first button he was nestling with. He heard her gasp and smiled triumphantly.

"On our wedding night, when we are in our own little cottage, I will lead you to the bedroom. It will be lit only by candles, the bed fresh-made and inviting. First thing I will do is to take your face into my hands and kiss you tenderly to show you how much I love you. Still kissing, my hands will start wandering over you body...first your shoulders, then you back...your hips...to rest on your sweet little buttocks."

Anna giggled but John ignored it and leaned forward a little more.

"I will cup your cheeks with my hands and will massage them while pressing your lower body against mine. Then you will know how much I longed for this night to finally come."

Anna closed her eyes. She had felt his manhood that one time when he had pressed her against the wall and she tried to remember how this had felt.

„After I tasted your soft lips, I will start to undress you. Every inch of your body that will be revealed I will kiss. Your neck, your shoulders, your arms…your breasts."

Johns voice broke and he closed his eyes. Annas mouth opened slightly. Her breasts were tingling and she could almost feel his lips on her nipples, although she had no idea how that would feel. But she imagined it to be amazing.

"When you are completely naked, I will admire your body in all its beauty before I will lay you down on the bed…"

"Wait a minute." Anna opened her eyes. John also opened his and looked at her, his eyes dark and intense.

"What about you? I want to undress you, too."

He smiled. She smiled, too, and laid her arms around his neck.

"So when I'm naked and you'll have admired my body enough, I will remove your tie and your jacket."

To show him how she would do it, her hands wandered from his neck to his chest, slipping under the heavy fabric and pushing it over his shoulders. Their faces were close and John looked deeply into her eyes.

"I thought we were just making conversation" he joked, smiling.

"Conversation with extras" Anna shot back. "You're way too dressed for my taste."

With a scolding smile he removed his jacket and laid his arms around her again.

"So, you'll remove my jacket and my tie. What next?"

John had really fun doing this, Anna thought and grinned.

"I will remove your west, too, and then I will run my hands over your chest, down to your belt…"

John looked down on her lips. Anna could feel his tension and the desire that evaporated from his body, surrounding her.

She lifted her head a little so that their lips almost met.

"I will open it, then the button of your pants to slide into it with my hand…"

"Don't you think that's a little brisk?" he whispered.

"You will be mine, then. I will be allowed to have my way with you."

John burst into a laugh.

"You're impossible", he joked and kissed her, more passionate this time, his tongue immediately entering her mouth and playing with her tongue in a way that was supposed to arouse her. As if she needed to be aroused more! All of her body was hot and tingling already.

John was in a similar condition. He was surprised that simple words could have this effect on him. But it was Anna who spoke them and she was the one he was talking about. It was all her. She did this to him. He never desired a woman this much. She was here in his arms, kissing him eagerly, clung to him like he was the only solid thing in the world. What wouldn't he give to be in their own home and married right now. He would be a very happy man if that ever happened…and probably hardly ever got out of bed…

Finally, Anna broke the kiss and leaned back a little. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkling. She never looked prettier, John thought.

"Let's not forget what we were talking about. I think I had my hand down your pants, exploring."

He chuckled.

"You're not finished with me, are you?"

"Not at all" she grinned impishly and continued their little game.

"I won't retreat my hand before you moan into my ear. I love it, when you do that."

"When did I ever moan?"

"Oh, you know. And once we're married, you will do a lot more often."

"Oh, boy", was all John could say to that. His hands were on her back, gently rubbing it. This was safe, he thought, fighting against the need to touch her in more intimate places.

"I will unbutton your shirt now, my hands trembling for sure. It will be hard to be patient."  
>"Couldn't agree more", he whispered hoarsely and stole a brief kiss from her lips. But Anna pushed him away.<p>

"Once the shirt and the pants are gone, I will press my hot body against yours, feel your skin on mine. Nothing in between."

_Boy, she is so damn good at this,_ John thought desperately. He could feel his manhood pressing against his trousers painfully. Maybe it was time to stop this now…

"Anna, love, I can't take much more", he admitted huskily.

"Just tell me one more thing."

She looked up at him.

"Will you be gentle or passionate?"

He had to close his eyes again. Anna was too close. He couldn't think straight.

"I will do whatever you want me to", he whispered.

"And right now? Could you still be gentle? I know I couldn't."

_She is trying to kill me. She definitely is..._

He opened his eyes again. Her lips were slightly apart, ready to be kissed again. John wanted her. Now. He needed her. But when there was one thing that John Bates was good at, than it was denying himself the things he needed most.

"No, I couldn't be gentle now, Anna. And this is why we have to stop at once. I don't want it to happen like this. The first time I'll make love to you, I want it to be with outmost care and pleasure."

She smiled at him.

"You're sweet."

"Thanks", he replied, not knowing if she made fun of him or not.

"No, I mean it. I am a lucky girl, having someone who puts my interests over his own. You're the best of men. And you're mine."

Anna hugged him, resting her head against his chest where she could hear his heart beating. John wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her hair. He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent. It still was hard to believe that anyone would think of him so highly. But Anna did. He wasn't worthy of her opinion of him, but God knows he would do all he could to be one day.

"I love you, Anna. I always will."

"Me, too, John."

Her voice was unsteady and John wondered if she cried, so he pulled her chin up. Her eyes were indeed wet, but she smiled at him.

"I best get to work, before it's getting too late and you throw me out of your room again."

"Anna…my sweet Anna…"

His thumb was caressing her cheek as he sunk into her eyes. He loved her so much…

Closing his eyes, he kissed her once more, but this time he was tender, careful, as if she was made of glass and could break any second. Anna responded to his kiss, tried to be just as gentle. It took quite some time until they separated again. Without saying a word, Anna got the creme and kneeled down, going to work. Words weren't necessary anymore. It had all been said and their hearts were so filled with love that they could burst. Even when it was time to leave, Anna didn't say anything, she just came into Johns opened arms and kissed him again in this most wonderful way.

~oOOo~

A/N2: Hope you liked the chat between John and Robert. I tried to bring out their subtle but deep friendship. Did this transport to you? Is that the way you say it?^^  
>By the way, a thing I can't stop wondering about since I watched the court hearing of Bates: Where did the attorney get his information? How could he possibly know that Mrs. Hughes and O'Brien overheard John's and Vera's conversations? In my opinion, that's just illogical. Or did I miss something? You guys are so damn lucky that the 3rd season is about to begin in UK. So jealous! :(<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: The next chappi is ready, finally to push the story forward. Hope you like it and leave me your thoughts for inspiration. Thanks to all my reviewers and readers! :)

~oOOo~

"Anna", John softly called out to her as she was about to hurry to work. They had just finished breakfast and everyone was busy. John could hear Daisy gather the plates and cups from the table and he was glad the noise covered his voice so he could talk to Anna in private. She turned around and came back to him, he went a little down the hallway just to make sure they weren't overheard. After looking around, John smiled and brushed his fingers over Anna's hand. Their fingers intertwined and he looked up, bending down a little.

"I just wanted to say that yesterday was amazing."

Anna smiled and came closer.

"Yes, it was."

They looked into each other's eyes and John desperately wanted to kiss her.

"Do you want to do it again?" she whispered and grinned, noticing his intense look and the sparkle in his eyes.

"Would you mind?"

She glanced around, then quickly laid the other hand on his chest and came even closer, until her body touched his. Their faces were so close now that John could feel her breath on his lips and smell her sweet scent.

"Not at all."

In his mind, John pressed Anna against the wall and kissed her passionately, ripping her clothes of right here in the hallway, without caring who the heck saw them. He lifted her up, wrapped her legs around his hips before he entered her roughly…

John felt a twitch between his legs and realized that he was entering dangerous grounds. He shouldn't be thinking these things now. Well, actually, he never should…

Mrs. Patmore shouting loudly at Daisy saved John from losing control. Anna stepped back and turned around with one last smile that she would only smile for him. John smiled back and watched her leave. With a sigh, he went upstairs.

_It's going to be a long day_, he thought frustrated and tried to fight the pictures of him and Anna entering his mind.

~oOOo~

A few weeks later, John was just leaving the kitchen as Mr. Carson called out to him and handed him a letter.

Absentminded, John put it inside his jacket and didn't think of it until that same evening, when he was back in his room. As he pulled off his jacket, he heard some rustling and this finally brought it back to his mind. He grabbed the letter and hung the jacket over his chair before opening it. As he read the lines written in a neat hand, his heart stopped beating. Right then, he heard a familiar soft knock on the door. John needed a second to move. He opened the door and Anna greeted him with a smile, but he couldn't see it. He didn't see anything through that veil of tears that covered his eyes.

"John!" Anna gasped, closed the door quickly before laying a hand on his arm. He was pale and looked like he was about to fall, so she urged him to his bed and pushed him down.

"John, you're scaring me. What happened?"

He didn't reply but bent over to put his face in his hands. Helplessly, Anna looked around and spotted the letter which had fallen out of Johns hand to the floor. She picked it up and her heart ached as she read the lines.

"Oh John. I am so sorry."

Anna put the letter on the bed before she laid her arms around the man she loved. When she heard him sob, her own tears started to fall and she buried her face in his neck. Gently, she rocked his body back and forth and tried to sooth him with soft spoken words. She didn't know what else to do.

It took John a while to calm down. He wiped the tears away and straightened up. Anna was there, still hugging him, looking at him. Her eyes were wet as well and if possible, he loved her even more for that.

"I'm sorry, Anna."

"You don't have to be. Your mother was a wonderful woman. Not to cry over her would be sin."

He smiled weakly and laid an arm around her.

"She really liked you, did I ever tell you?"

"No, you didn't."

"Every time she wrote to me she inquired after you. She prayed for you. For us."

Anna smiled.

"That was very nice of her. I liked her, too."

"Gosh, I will miss her." John said and wiped over his face again.

"I know. We both will."

"I wish I could have been a better son…"

Anna looked up at him, covering his wet cheek with her hand.

"She was very proud of you, John. We just met once but the way she spoke of you, instantly told me that she loved you very much."

John leaned into Annas touch and closed his eyes. He felt lonely. Sure, he hadn't seen his mother often, but they had always stayed in contact. Her letters had always been joyful, hopeful and comforting. His mother always knew what to write to make him feel better. Now, he was on his own.

"You're not alone, John."

Surprised, he looked up. Did she read his mind?

"I am here for you. I always will be."

"Thank you, Anna. You'll never know what this means to me."

He lowered his head to kiss her gently. Then she hugged him again, snuggling close, comforting him. They sat like this for a very long time and though John's heart was filled with sadness over the loss of his mother, he also felt the bond of love between Anna and himself.

"Do..do you want to be alone? I don't have to massage you tonight" Anna asked after a while.

"No, it's fine. But if you're too tired…"

"No, I am alright."

Anna got to work and after John relaxed a little, he started to tell Anna stories about his childhood. She listened very carefully. It felt nice to talk about her. This way, a part of her was still alive.

"I must have been around 14 or 15 and was quite rebellious. My mother had a hard time, I tell you. It must have been difficult to raise a boy all by herself and be working at the same time. Anyway, I had another one of my 'moments', how she liked to call it, and yelled at her about nothing I remember. She always stayed calm. When I threatened to move out, she agreed and went into her room. You should have seen the look on my face. It was like: _Mommy is sending me away_?"

Anna giggled.

"It was that thought that made me realize that I needed that woman more than I wanted to admit at this age. Since my father died, we have been closer than we normally would have, I guess."

"I guess you're right. My father hasn't been around much in my childhood, so we couldn't really bond. Of course I love him and he loves me, but it is nothing like with my mother. With only two brothers, she was my best friend and my confidant."

John smiled down on her.

"Have you had a happy childhood, Anna?" he asked.

"Yes, very happy. I didn't always appreciate it, but now I know our happy family-life is rare. Except maybe for the Crawleys."

"They went to some rough times", John protested.

"Yes, but they stand strong together."

"I don't know if Lady Edith and Lady Mary would stand together."

Anna sighed.

"I know. I always longed for a sister, but when I see those two I am happy that I don't have one. They can be very spiteful to each other."

"Who started it?" John wanted to know.

Anna thought about it.

"I don't know. Both of them, I guess. Mary has always been the pretty one, the one who everyone adored. Edith faded into the background. That must be hard for a girl in puberty. But Edith is smart and has a sharp tongue. Both of them have. All the things they said to each other…"

Anna shook her head.

"It really pains me to see them fight. They are lovely women individually, but when they're together, they are like fire and ice."

"You like them, don't you?"

"Yes, very much. In a way, they are the sisters I longed for…rich and spoiled sisters whom I help to dress", she joked and John laughed.

"Would you be sad to leave?"

Anna looked up. She knew what he wanted to know.

"It depends."

"On what?"

"Where I go to…and with whom."

She shyly smiled at him and looked down at Johns leg again, so she didn't see him smile. He had talked to his mother about her a few years ago. He had praised her, to be correct. He had never written such long letters in his life and of course his mother understood what was going on, even before him. He remembered that he had told her that Anna had confessed her feelings for him and that he didn't know what to do, for he was married and so on. He had been quite shocked as he read his mother's reply. Of all people, she who had raised him to have high morals told him that he shouldn't let this wonderful girl slip through his fingers:

_'Don't push her away, John. Maybe you don't want to accept it, but you already are in love with this fine girl. You've never talked or wrote about anyone this lovingly. You deserve to be happy, son. And there is no sweeter happiness than being in the arms of a loving woman.'_

John hadn't believed that was true, for the only arms he had been in had been Veras. And that happiness had been more bitter than it had been sweet. But now, so many wasted years later, he finally understood the truth in his mother's words. Looking down on Anna he realized that he indeed had never been happier than in her arms, knowing that she loved him with all her heart and soul.

Anna finished the massage and carefully rolled down his trouser leg. She looked up to tell him that it was done, but by the look on his face, she froze. John's soft brown eyes captured her. Without a word, he held out his hand. Anna took it. Gently, he pulled her up to her feet and drew her closer, between his legs, so that he could wrap his arms around her small waist and rest his head on her chest. Anna's heart beat faster as she laid her chin on top of his head and let her fingers slide into his dark hair. Both of them closed their eyes, enjoying the warmth coming from the other. John listened to her heartbeat while she played with his hair.

"Mother once wrote me that there is no better feeling than being in the arms of a loving woman. I never could quite believe it, but you proved it. I've never been happier than right here, my head resting against your heart, wrapped in your embrace."

Anna smiled into his hair and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"I feel the same way. Your mother was a very smart woman, love. Let's go to the chapel tomorrow and light a candle for her."

He nodded, pulling his Anna even closer to him. He heard his mother's voice inside his head, repeating the words from another letter again and again:

_'Don't let her go, son. Don't give up hope. If your faith and your love are strong enough, you will be free one day. And then you will have the life I always wanted for you: Filled with love, laughter, the sound of happy children running around the house…All this is waiting for you, John. Just don't let her go.'_

"I'll never let you go", John whispered and buried her head between Anna's breasts. She looked down at him. How he clung to her, almost desperately, like she was the most precious thing on earth. Smiling, Anna ran her hand through his hair again.

"I won't leave, John. I'm here until the end. Our day will come. I have faith in that. So should you. And now, with your mother watching over us, it will happen even sooner."

John looked up at her, now smiling, too.

"You are right. It will happen…I love you, Anna Mae Smith."

Anna couldn't stop from giggling.

"Since when do you know my middle name?"

"I have my spies to find out stuff like that."

"Ah."

They smiled at each other and Anna leaned down to unite her lips with his.

"I love you, too, John No-middle-name Bates."

And just like this, a horrible evening turned out to be a comforting one. It was part of Anna's magic to make even the worst things better. Just by one look, one smile, a soft whispered word. And a kiss.

~oOOo~

It was a chilly morning when Anna and John stood in front of the impressive abbey to say their goodbyes. John had permission to go to London to bury his mother and Lord Grantham even offered the car. So Branson stood next to them and both Anna and John looked down, not knowing what to say in front of him. Branson looked from Bates to Anna and his eyes widened when he finally understood. With a smirk he went over to the car and climbed in, giving them some privacy. Now Anna dared to take his hand in hers.

"I will miss you."

"I will miss you, too."

"Say goodbye to her for me, will you?"

"Of course."

They smiled at each other, sadness in Johns eyes. Anna wanted to say something, but John was faster.

"Well, goodbye, then. I will write and come back as soon as possible."

"Goodbye, John."

He squeezed her hand one last time, then let go and turned to walk over to the car. Anna noticed his hanging shoulders and how he leaned heavily on his cane. Of course he was sad. It must be so hard to leave the one you love to go and bury the first woman he ever loved, though in another way. Anna's heart screamed out not to let him go like this. She knew him. He needed more than a handshake to go through with this.

Giving in to her longing, she called out his first name and run to him. She didn't care that Branson saw how she threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. John stood there one second in shock, his morals in high alert again. But then he thought: _To hell with it!_

He put his arms around her small waist and pulled her tight, burying his nose in her neck. Sadness washed over him and he felt like he was all alone in the world after he left that beautiful woman.

"You don't go alone, John", she whispered, knowing exactly what he thought. "You will never be alone again. I gave you my heart and it will be wherever you are. My love. My life."

She looked deeply into his red eyes and smiled reassuringly at him. He smiled back, rubbing his hands over her back.

"I love you", he whispered and threw a quick glance to Branson, who looked in another direction. Then he lowered his head and shared one last passionate kiss with the woman he loved. He tried to memorize everything about her, how she kissed, how her warm body felt in his arms, how she smelled and how her fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Finally, he let go of her and reluctantly released her. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were sparkling. John memorized this, too.

They said their goodbyes again and John climbed into the car next to Branson who started it and slowly drove away. John closed his eyes for a second to ease the pain in his heart. Then he turned to Tom.

"Tom, I…"

"I didn't see anything", Branson just said and smiled at him.

"Thanks."

John was relieved. But he knew Tom wouldn't tell on them. He was a good man.

In silence, they drove to the train station and Tom accompanied him to the platform, where the train was already waiting. The men shook hands and Branson laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Bates."

"Thank you."

Tom squeezed his shoulder and John smiled understandingly. They nodded at each other and with that he got on the train that took him away from his home and the woman he loved, to encounter something he had dreaded since he was old enough to understand that parents don't live forever.

What he didn't know was that something even more dreadful would wait for him in London…


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry for my long absence. How is the new DA-season? Is Bates free? Oh, don't tell me...yes, tell...no, don't...argh! No, don't. I settle for don't. ^^ Anyway, I am finally introducing my version of Vera. I have always wondered what John could possibly have done to make her hate him so much. I mean, he wouldn't have married her if she's been like that, would he? And I guess he was different, too...well, in the coming chapters I will try to create a background for them which hopefully you will like. So, brace yourself: The evil witch makes her entrance. Buhahahahaa!

~oOOo~

The first thing John noted as he opened the door to his mother's flat was the familiar smell. It had always smelled like that, even when he had been just a boy. Cooking, lavender and mother, all mixed up into one nice smell that made him feel like home. Sighing, John closed the door and hung his coat and hat on the door. Then he turned around, taking in the empty room. It was so awkward, knowing that she was dead when it looked like she was still there, for example in the kitchen to make some tea. But of course she wasn't, so John walked into the kitchen and made the tea himself. After a while he noticed that unconsciously, he was trying to make as less sound as possible, like he was avoiding to disturb anyone.

_No one left to disturb_, he reminded himself and his tense body relaxed a little but inwardly he flinched every time he made a loud noise.

The hot cup of tea in his hand, John sat down in his usual place, an old, worn out chair that had been his seat since his father had died. Mother usually had sat right next to him on the couch, mostly knitting something or reading the paper. John looked over to her spot while he listened to the mind numbing rhythm of the ticking clock, drinking her tea which never would taste the same again…

~oOOo~

"She left me that much?" John asked surprised at his lawyer's office the next day. He couldn't help but smile as he looked down at the numbers. His mother had always been good for surprises. What a fine woman!

"She also left you this letter, ironically written a few weeks earlier. You know, this happens quite often. People showing up, handing me letters for their loved ones and a couple of weeks later, they pass away. Like somehow they know it's gonna end…" the lawyer rambled on, but John didn't listen. He felt the envelope in his hands and read the words, written in a graceful and patient hand.

_To my beloved son and my daughter-in-law_

John's heart beat faster. He instantly knew that this letter wasn't meant for Vera. He felt tears swelling up in his eyes and blinked hard to fight them down again.

"Anyway, the transfer of the funds will be done in a couple of weeks. You should stay in town, for I will need you to sign some papers during the progress."

John just nodded, not trusting his voice. He neatly folded the envelope and put it in the inner pocket of his jacket.

"So, I think we've been through everything. The funeral can be held the day after tomorrow at St. Catherine's, like your mother wished. My secretary will take care of everything. She could also put the obituary in the papers, if you like."

"No, thank you. I will do it myself."

"Very well."

Both men stood up and shook hands.

~oOOo~

The funeral was very difficult for John. He had to say goodbye to his mother for good and he couldn't help the tears fall as he watched the coffin sink into the ground, buried forever. Many people had shown up and expressed their sympathies to him, which made it even more difficult. He was so relieved when it all was over and he was back at his mother's place, which now was his. Sitting in his armchair again, he looked around, trying to decide what to become of this place in which he had been happy as well as sad. He would talk to Anna about it, he decided after a while and closed his eyes.

_Anna…_

He missed her very much. He recalled their goodbye back at Downton and the sweet words she had said to him. That he wasn't alone, that her heart would follow him wherever he would go. What a wonderful, consoling thought. John pictured her face, her sparkling eyes and her impish smile. He felt her lips on his and her arms around him. No, he wasn't alone, he mused and raised from his chair to change his clothes.

~oOOo~

After three long weeks and several trips to the lawyer, John finally was in possession of his bequest. The funds had been transferred to his account and he was preparing to leave London, when a knock interrupted his packing.

_Maybe some friend of mothers who doesn't know she passed_, John thought. This had happened a few times and it always had been painful to pass on the bad news. But he would be able to do it one last time.

"Vera!" John exclaimed shocked as he opened the door and found his wife standing in front of him.

"Hello, Dearest", she greeted him in her husky voice which he had found very attractive once.

She smiled at him, but her pale blue eyes remained cold and distant.

"Won't you ask me to come in?" she asked, amused with his astonishment. She just loved a good entrance.

John shrugged off the shock and stepped aside to let her in. Vera smiled again as she stepped in, pacing through the room like a cat. John watched as her fingers slid over the little porcelain figures his mother had collected before she picked one up to have a closer look.

"Your mother had a hideous taste. These figures are horrible", she said and put the figure back.

"You know, she said that to me once. She was right", John said and Vera looked up, surprised for a moment but recovering quickly. She put on that fake smile again and looked around the room.

"Ah, the good old times. I'm gonna miss the fights with that old bat."

John's grip around his cane tightened as Vera insulted his mother. But he knew she was trying to anger him, so he pulled himself together.

Vera shot him a quick look but as he remained silent she went over to the sofa, sitting down in his mother's spot. As John just stood there, looking down at her, she sighed.

"My dearest husband, where are your manners? Did you forget everything I taught you? Offer me some tea, will you?"she said and that playful but dangerous smile spread on her lips again.

Without saying anything, John walked into the kitchen and made some tea, trying to collect his thoughts.

"You were quite the wild boy when we married, do you remember? No manners at all. Again, the fault of you mother, letting you do whatever you wanted without teaching you how to behave properly…"

John had to take a deep breath not to lose it. She was trying to play games. He had learned that the best way to win was not to play.

He walked back into the living room and handed her the cup.

"Thank you, John", she said and fluttered her eyelashes, which once had worked on him like a charm. This time seemed like a million years ago now.

He stood in front of her, watching her taking a sip of the tea.

"Not too bad. So you learned something at your valet-job."

She looked up at him, triumph in her eyes.

"Me working at Downton Abbey is not a secret, Vera. I sent you enough letters with my address on them."

He could see the anger in her eyes, but she still wore that smile.

"But it still is a secret that you fool around with the head housemaid, isn't it? Anna Mae Smith, if I recall correctly."

Vera laughed when she saw the shocked look on his face.

"See, I am still able to surprise you. Isn't that what a good marriage is about?"

John could hear the irony in her voice. That she knew about Anna made everything more complicated.

_Better find out what she wants as soon as possible._

"What do you want, Vera?" he asked as he walked over to his chair and sat down.

"I see your leg is a lot better. That little floozy must have magical hands."

Very grinned when she saw John clench his fists.

"So you finally found someone who is willing to do all the perverted stuff you like so much", she attacked him once more, satisfied with his reaction. She knew he was trying to control himself, but she knew exactly which buttons she had to push to make him snap.

"What do you want, Vera?" he asked again.

After another sip, she placed the cup on the low table in front of the sofa and leaned back.

"I came here to comfort my husband. Why else would I be here?"

"Where have you been all the time?"

She grinned.

"Hiding."

John sighed.

"Will you agree to the divorce?"

At that, Vera laughed.

"My dearest John. Why should I divorce you now that we are finally with some money? Took that witch long enough to pass…"

John had rushed forward and had caught Veras wrist. His grip was hard.

"You won't talk about my mother like this. Or Anna."

Too late did he realize that mentioning her name was a big mistake. Something in Vera's eyes hardened and the smile on her face died. All the bitterness was displayed on her face for a second as she roughly freed herself from his grip. She rose from her seat and paced the floor again. When she turned around, she wore her smiling mask again.

"Well, whatever. When we have redecorated this place, it will be a nice place to live."

John shook his head.

"I will not live with you, Vera. We will go to my lawyer and file for divorce right now."

She laughed again.

"You still have that charming sense of humor."

"I'm not joking!" John said angrily and stood up as well.

"Then I have to disappoint you, Dear. I won't divorce you. We will stay married as long as I wish!"

"This is ridiculous!"

She laughed.

"You're wrong again. This is so much fun."

"Making both of us miserable is fun to you?"

She grinned and shrugged. John couldn't believe her.

"Haven't we done enough to each other?" he genuinely asked her, his voice calm again.

Her eyes turned to ice once more.

"Oh, you have done enough to me. But I'm not done paying you back."

"Vera, please…"

They looked at each other, then she spit:  
>"Do you really think I let you off the hook to be with another woman while I crawl in the dirt? No, Dear. If I'm miserable, you'll be miserable. Remember? For better and for worse!"<p>

She let out a shrill laugh.

"Vera, I told you that I'm sorry like a million times. There's nothing else I can do. I can't turn back time."

Vera shot him a look. John recognized the pain in her eyes, buried deep under bitterness and disappointment. Then she slowly walked over to him until she stood right in front of him.

"Oh, you can do something else. And you will." Her voice was a low, menacingly purr. Then that awful smile spread across her face again.

"I will make myself comfortable now. My luggage will be delivered shortly, please be a Dear and bring it to our room. I will lay down for a while. Seeing you again is so overwhelming that I need to rest."

Vera was already turning away when she decided otherwise and turned back to him. Still smiling, she leaned in and pressed her lips on his. Neither of them closed their eyes. John didn't kiss her back. It was a kiss without love. It was a threat.

Luckily, she leaned back after a few seconds.

"Oh, John. I hope you try harder with that little girl", she chuckled before she headed to John's old room and went in. As soon as the door was closed, John pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her taste from his lips. His body was shaking with anger and frustration. He knew he couldn't keep up with her spitefulness for long before he'd either crumble to the floor or just lose it.

But he mustn't give up, he reminded himself. He had to fight for his freedom. For Anna. His beloved, wonderful, gentle Anna.

John crushed down in his chair and closed his eyes. He concentrated on the woman he loved, picturing her face in his mind, her beautiful eyes and that smile which she only smiled for him. God, how much he would give to have her here right now, in his arms. He wanted to rest his head on her chest and feel her arms around him while she whispered how much she loved him.

John clung to this image for a long time, until the anger had been washed away with love. He wasn't alone, he reminded himself. She was with him. Always. And with her by his side, he could face everything, even Vera!

~oOOo~

A/N: Yep, that's it for the moment. Hope you like it. By the way, I am totally Sherlocked! Two years after the show started. I'm always a little behind. *tehe* So, if anyone loves BBC's "Sherlock"/Benedict Cumberbatch, please let me know. I need to talk about it and it feels kinda weird to talk about it to my boyfriend, who is the only one I know who watched the show. Don't know why, but he doesn't seem to like it when I ramble on and on about how beautiful Benedict's eyes are and how sexy his voice is...he's a weird fellow, my man. ;)


	13. Christmas Interlude

**A/N:** Hello everyone! Sorry for my long absence! :( I try to continue very soon, but for now, I wanted to give you a little Interlude to celebrate Christmas. It's obviously not following the usual plot. Just take it as a look into the future. :)  
>I really just wanted to write a sweet little something for you. Hope you guys enjoy my Christmas gift! Happy holidays to all of you! God bless you!<p>

~oOOo~

A low grumble escaped his throat as he felt something nibble at his ear. Or better said, someone.

He smiled in his half-sleep and wrapped his big arms around the tiny frame next to him. He heard a giggle and felt how a warm body snug against his and fingers started to play with his chest hair. While John Bates tried to fall asleep again, the teasing of his wife didn't stop. She wrapped one of her slender legs around his and placed feathery kisses on his shoulder and his chest before her teeth sunk into his earlobe.

"That's not fair", John grumbled, still refusing to open his eyes. She knew exactly how much he liked it when she nibbled at his earlobe. But his wife just giggled playfully and sucked the earlobe between her soft lips. A shiver ran up an down his spine.

"I'm sleeping."

"It's Christmas morning" his wife whispered sweetly into his ear and her hand cupped his cheek to keep his head in place for her seductive attacks.

"Emphasis on 'morning'", John grumbled. He heard his wife sigh theatrically and the attacks stopped. John smiled, thinking he had won and pulled his wife closer. She rested her head on his chest and sighed once more.

It was silent again in the small bedroom and John was nearly drifting back to sleep when he felt his wife's hand roaming over his chest and belly, gently plucking at his chest hair. Her foot stroke up and down his calf and her hot breath tickled his nipple.

"Mrs. Bates, please stop your teasing", he demanded in a low voice. "You're not a morning person, anyway. Why are you up already?"

"You don't know what time it is. It could be past noon."

"I _always_ know what time it is."

The naked woman in his arms huffed. She knew very well that he told the truth.

"All right, it's not. But I couldn't sleep anymore."

"So you decided to wake me up, too?"

The entire conversation, John still had his eyes closed.

"I thought you might want to celebrate Christmas with me…in private…"

He knew that tone in her voice. Her penetrations should have been enough of a hint, but her tone was unmistakable.

John decided to wake up.

"I see", he whispered with a smile and finally opened his eyes. His beautiful wife was towering over her and the glint in her brown eyes told him everything he needed to know.

"Good morning, love", she whispered and beamed at him, her hand wandering in his messy brown hair.

"Good morning, little minx."

She giggled again and he pulled her on top of him, his fingertips brushing up and down her back. He felt the goose bumps on her silky flesh and grinned boyishly before she pressed her lips on his, her tongue instantly sneaking between his lips to greet his.

John sighed in approval and let one hand wander into her long blond hair while the other came to rest on her bum, gently squeezing her left cheek. He loved her on top of him. It felt like she was all around him, her hot breasts pressing delightfully against his chest, her long legs entangled with his and her sweet scent wrapping around him. He loved how her hair fell on his shoulders, how it felt between his fingers. He loved how she kissed him, tender and passionate at the same time, claiming him and giving herself to him without holding back. He loved that she was his and he was hers. Forever.

Just as John was about to unite them, a high-pitched scream was heard. John stopped in his actions.

"They're fine", his wife whispered hoarsely and pressed her pelvis against his demandingly. John was kissing her again when another scream was heard, followed by something crashing.

"I'll clean it up later…whatever it was", she whispered again and begged for attention. But John couldn't ignore the loud discussion outside their room.

"Love", he whispered hoarsely in a tone that made clear that their private celebration would have to wait.

Mrs. Bates sighed loudly and buried her face in his chest.

"Those little monsters."

John chuckled and stroke her hair.

"We'll celebrate tonight, when their back in bed."

His beautiful wife made a voice to state her disapproval and John had to chuckle again. To cheer her up, he whispered in her ear:

"You can have your way with me, then. I'll do whatever you want me to."

She didn't lift her head, but he could feel her smile against his chest. She was teasingly biting his skin when another crashing sound echoed into the bedroom.

"Oh, those boys! If you don't watch them twenty-four hours, they break the whole house."

Mumbling under her breath, Mrs. Bates climbed off her husband and stood up. John admired her nakedness while she picked up the clothes scattered on the floor and put them on.

After her delicious bum was properly covered, John decided to get up to and put on one of his finer suits. It was Christmas, after all, and the Bates' liked to celebrate it in a traditional way.

After he had adjusted his tie he turned around to see his wife brushing her long blonde hair. He watched how the brush went through it, the light from the small window next to the dressing table caught in her fair streaks. When she twirled her hair in order to pull it up, John walked over, wrapped his hands around her waist and placed a lingering kiss on her long neck.

"Wear it open", he whispered and pulled her close.

"John", she said in a scolding voice and shook her head, smiling. "We're supposed to be a good example to the boys, show them how to behave properly."

Ignoring his pouting look in the mirror, she put her hair into a tight bun.

"They won't become criminals just because their mother wore her hair open like a fairy."

She giggled and turned around in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I thought witches wore their hair open."

"I'd never think of you as a witch, dear."

"Hmm…but you did accuse me of bewitching you once."

"When did I ever say that?" he asked, honestly confused.

His wife grinned up at him, mischief in her eyes.

"I believe it was our honeymoon. Remember? You and me…outside…the full moon…illuminating our naked bodies…"

John cleared his throat. The memory of that night was burned into his mind, heart and soul. They had reveled in their love and desire until they had laid in the grass exhausted, heart beats racing, limbs weak, muscles sore. It had been a magical night, indeed.

"Oh, right…", he stuttered and felt heat rise in his cheeks as pictures of her glistening body under and on top of him flooded his mind.

Mrs. Bates grinned cheekily and pulled him down for another kiss, which took his breath away.

"You're bewitching me again…", John whispered hoarsely against her lips and pressed her body against his.

"You like it when I do that."

John grinned boyishly. She was right. Just as he was about to give into her magic, a soft knock was heard on the door.

"You'll never wake them up like this, silly", a muffled voice was heard through the door, followed by loud banging.

John and his wife chuckled and they smiled at each other.

"Mummy, Papa! Wake up! It's Christmas!" the loud voice of their elder son boomed through the room and with a sigh from Mrs. Bates, the couple let go of each other.

They opened the door to find two little boys in the hallway, grinning at them proudly.

"Did you get dressed all by yourselves?" Mrs. Bates asked and put her hands over her heart at that adorable view. They were wearing the suits which was only meant for church and apparently some of the clothes got mixed up, for the taller boy's trousers were way too short and the sleeves of the white shirt of the smaller one were covering his hands. They had even tried to bind their flies, which ended up into a big red mess of several knots. But the boys were clean – which was a miracle in itself – and had combed the hair back like their father did when he was off to work.

John saw the tears in his wife's eyes before she bent down to give each of her sons a sound kiss. While the younger one wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her back, the older one pretended to only endure her kiss and huffed a complaining 'Maaa' in her direction before wiping the kiss away from his cheek.

"My dear boys! I didn't know my sons were this handsome."

The younger boy giggled happily and reached up to take his mother's hand.

"Come, Mummy. We have a surprise for you!"

He pulled her along with him and John took the second to pat his son's shoulder.

"That was a very nice thing to do, Brendan. You've made your mother very happy."

Brendan grinned and even flushed a little, but quickly cleared his throat and nodded.

"Thanks, father."

He followed his brother into the small dining room and John shook his head. Since a few month his oldest son refused to be hugged or kissed by him. He had said that he was a man now and didn't need those signs of affection anymore. John respected that. And there were still enough occasions on which they cuddled on the couch after John had come home after a long day of work, ending with Brendan falling asleep in his arms.

"Oh, John, you have to see this", his wife called from the other room and John entered the kitchen to find the breakfast table all set. Instead of flowers they had put the pot of parsley from the kitchen window sill in the center of the table.

John smiled as he saw the remains of two broken plates swept into the corner of the room.

"Well done, boys", John praised his sons, whose faces lit up proudly. His younger son came running and John quickly lifted him up in his arms. His knee twitched in complaint, but he ignored it.

"Merry Christmas, Papa", the young boy with sparkling blue eyes – inherited from his grandmother – chirped and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Merry Christmas, Timothy", John replied and hugged his son before he gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

Then he put Tim back on his feet and they sat down at the table, while his wife and Brendan went into the kitchen to fry some bacon and boil some eggs.

"I'm sorry about the plates, Mama. I should have watched Timmy more closely", Brendan apologized as he put the bacon into the pan.

"That's all right, Brendan. We all make mistakes. It helps us learn."

Brendan nodded, obviously relieved that she wasn't mad.

His mother bent down and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek.  
>"Thank you, dear."<p>

When his father wasn't watching, Brendan enjoyed his mother's kisses and he put an arm around her shoulder and kissed her back.

"You're welcome, Mummy."

Mrs. Bates smiled down at him and stroke his cheek with her thumb before she laughed and turned to finish the breakfast preparations.

When breakfast was done and all four bellies were filled, it was time for the presents. Both of the boys ran into the living room, shouting and laughing in anticipation, leaving their parents behind.

"They grow up so fast. It feels like yesterday as I held Brendan in my arms for the first time."

John smiled and pulled his wife against his side. He gently kissed her forehead.

"I know. Timmy is growing every day. Soon, I won't be able to lift him up, either."

Her arms wrapped around him and she buried her head in his chest.

"I love you so much for giving them to me", she breathed into his shirt.

"I couldn't have done it without you, love", John grinned and added seriously, "I love you to, Anna. You've not only given yourself to me. You've given me a family. You gave my life sense."

"John…", Anna whispered, tears shimmering in her eyes again and her husband lifted her chin up so he could kiss her.

"Egh!"

John and Anna broke apart and looked at down at Brendan, who's face showed clear disgust.

"Could you two please stop with that? We want our presents!"

Anna and John laughed and they followed their son into the living room. There were several presents lying under the big Christmas tree which Lord Grantham had surprised them wih. Everyone of the staff – even Miss O'Brien – and the Crawley familiy had sent over gifts for the boys. Lady Sybill sent a present since their birth as did Anna since the birth of her daughter.

While John and Anna sat down on the couch, the first pieces of wrapping paper were flying through the room, the boys impatient as always. John held his wife close as they both watched the boys squeaked and jumped in ecstasy about their present. Anna grabbed his hand and he looked down on her, pure love and happiness shining in her eyes. He smiled and reached up, cupped her cheek with a hand and gently stroke her cheek with his thumb.  
>It was days like these that John was overwhelmed with gratefulness that God had blessed him with such a wonderful family. He had stopped torturing himself years ago and had accepted the love of this amazing, strong woman in his arms. She had helped him to endure everything, had taken him by the hand, had pulled him out of his self-pity and had shown him how beautiful love truly was.<p>

"Thank you, Mummy! Thank you, Daddy!" both of the boys suddenly screamed and threw themselves into their parents arms.

John, full of love and gratitude, wrapped his arms around his family, giving everyone a loving kiss, even his eldest, who didn't complain this time. They laughed together before the boys sneaked themselves out of their father's hug to play with their toys.

Mr. Bates pulled his wife close again and kissed her.

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Bates", he whispered into her ear and buried his head in her neck, which made her giggle.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Bates."


End file.
